It was one of those times in God’s Word when the Holy Spirit warms the heart and opens the eyes in a special way to see the wonders of what Jesus is saying. I was reading John 6 where Jesus says in verse 35, “I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst…” He later says in verse 56, “Whoever feeds on my flesh and drinks my blood abides in me, and I in him.” This is what my soul craves, Jesus Christ Himself. Only He can satisfy the longings and cravings of my heart. So I set out from my day with a fresh desire to turn to Jesus throughout the day and feast on Him. I wanted to abide in Him and find my soul’s satisfaction in Him alone. Gently, the Holy Spirit revealed where I was routinely going to be satisfied, where my cravings had been misdirected, and I confessed my sin and set about my day excited to feast on Jesus.
No sooner had I floated out of my sacred place of communion that I thudded against the reality of kids bickering, homeschool gone awry, and my flesh screaming for a something, anything, a Christmas cookie, or 7, to bring some sort of comfort and escape. Once I got off track, which was relatively early in the day, I hid from the guilt and conviction by keeping myself busy, or distracting myself with something, anything, a few episodes of Poirot, or 7, to bring some sort of comfort and escape.
Well, you can see the downward spiral. When my head hit the pillow and collided with the thoughts of failure and guilt I had run from all day long, something happened. I heard the gentle whisper in my soul say, “You can still feast on Jesus.” And so I began to feast.
At every place I failed, Jesus was victorious.
His food was to do the will of the Father.
He found His perfect satisfaction in obeying the Father.
He was the bread of life, but He was also the bread that was broken in His death on the cross.
He cried out, “I thirst,” so that I come to the waters and be cleaned and satisfied.
He came, not to those who were capable of keeping themselves clean and moral, but He came to those who are messy and helpless and hungry and thirsty. Those like me.
So with tears streaming, no longer in regret, but in gratitude, I found my soul’s satisfaction not in my efforts at communing, but in Jesus Christ, the Bread of Life.