Maybe it’s more appropriate to say, “Where I’m trying to be”.
I read something in a book that somehow got me thinking: am I really ALL here. Are my best efforts – not just what my body does, but what my brain does – really focused on my priorities? I thought about the weight of responsibility Jason is carrying right now as a senior pastor. I thought about the brevity of the season that I’m in with my children. I thought about my church family here in Akron. And I thought, am I really ALL here?
Cyber space has wonderful benefits. I love that I can stay in contact with my dear friends and family in MD. I love that I can read and be inspired by women I haven’t even met in person. I love finding good books, sermons, and articles that enrich my soul. I like writing about what God is doing in my life. I am passionate about encouraging moms in particular about the value of their role in the church and even more the surpassing value of Christ Jesus at work in them. I like updating my status on facebook and finding out what friends past and present are doing on a Wednesday afternoon. These are good things.
But the truth is, I couldn’t escape the gentle, compelling conviction of the Holy Spirit that this good thing – cyber world especially all of its social features – was dominating too much of my brain. I know you have heard me talk about this before – my tendency to escape via computer – but this time I realized something new. It isn’t the time I’m spending online. Actually, I have my igoogle page set up so that everything I check is all on one page. That cuts down significantly on my time on the computer. The problem is that my virtual world – face book friends, twitter, blog reading, blog writing, emailing – has the potential to take up way too much brain space.
I started to notice how often my mind isn’t in the same place as my body. This brings me back to where I’ve been…or where I’m trying to be. I am trying, by God’s grace, to be all here. I’m trying to be here to help my husband in whatever way might lighten his load. I’m trying to be here to train my kids as they are getting older and time is zooming by. I’m trying to be here at Covenant of Grace Church to pursue relationships with these ladies who are such a blessing to me.
This has meant significantly less time online – not to free up my time, but to free up my brain.
I wrote everything above on April 4, 2009. In the providence of God, a cyber break was somewhat imposed on me because we put our house on the market in May, sold it 7 days later, spent a frustrating month and a half house hunting, bought a fixer upper, did some fixing upping, started homeschooling, and now (insert deep breath here) … finally, life is feeling normal again. Life is actually pretty great. We love our new house. We love West Akron. We are most of all loving being so close to so many families in the church.
With the helpful reminder of the first few paragraphs of this post, I do want to cautiously begin blogging again. I have so much to write about! And if things get sporadic now and then, you know where I am….trying to be truly “here”.