Akron Adventure

Relo #8: the other side of ordinary

Where yesterday I mentioned how comforting the ordinary rituals of domesticity were in the midst of so much change, today I’m going to write about a different side of the story that happened as time went on. It might go without saying, that this is my personal experience and I don’t want to freak any soon-to-be relo-chickies out or anything…this may not happen to you. But still, just for the sake of an account of my experience, for the sake of perhaps a heads up for others, and finally for the sake of you’re not alone if this is you, I’m going to share it.

Once the blur and novelty wore off, I found many things that were once second nature, all of a sudden much harder to do. I wasn’t curled up in a dark closet in the fetal position or anything. I just felt an over arching malaise. Sometimes it was hard to tell if I was physically tired, sad, or just plain lazy. Everything from getting myself dressed and presentable in the morning, to routine housework, or even just going out of the house felt very hard. As a result, my home was less tidy than usual, my day to day appearance more -eh hem- organic than usual, and I felt tempted to be isolated rather than enjoy fellowship with others.

What was it? Was I depressed? Was I mourning? Was I just being lazy and self indulgent? Perhaps all of these things. I don’t know, but what I do know is that God has used this season of my life to teach me greater dependence on Him. It isn’t often that we find ourselves in seasons of desperation just to do the mundane. I am learning the bitter-sweetness of such a lesson.

I still have my moments where ordinary life seems just harder to get motivated to do, but they are far more sporadic. Still, I hope that the lessons of desperate dependence on the Holy Spirit to do even just the menial tasks in life will continue to inform my days whether they are easy, or the other side of ordinary.

2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

7 thoughts on “Relo #8: the other side of ordinary

  1. I understand that feeling too. Actually, not that long ago (maybe a month) without any external situations to shape it. I just felt “blah”. A little depressed but not sure why. It was weird.

  2. It is good that you’re writing all this out b/c you will be on the other side of this transition and it will be more difficult to capture or remember what you once or now felt so acutely.
    What you described in this is so akin to my experience in the transition to motherhood. I can specifically remember going to the grocery store or Target and watching people move about thinking to myself, “they just get out of their cars, walk in the store and do what they’ve got to do. Are they a ball of nerves like me? Do they feel as disoriented as I do? Will I ever get over this?”
    Thankfully, it did get easier, but boy can life’s transitions be rather disorienting and make what is normally so mundane and routine turn into something that has to be so thought out and planned for.

  3. I remember feeling so much of this soon after Pete and I were married…he had lived in MD for a full year before our wedding. Yeah, we were newlyweds, but for me it was the first time I was virtually alone, away from every circle of friends and family I had. (And not to condemn him in anyway, but my hubby was still in those first years of teaching. Anyone who has taught before knows what that’s like. INTENSE.)

    I remember praying for a close girlfriend (especially one who could encourage me spiritually) for a whole year; then God gave me Rebecca. She is my Ruth, Esther, and Hannah all rolled into one.

    Hang in there…God is working…He knows what you need…this is not some arbitrary season however hard. Thanks for sharing your heart with all of us. :o)

  4. I miss you. I was watching a movie last night in which in the main character reminded me of you. But you’re prettier:). If it weren’t nearing 10:30 at night, I woud’ve picked up the phone and called you just to tell you I miss you.

    Your experience has, no doubt, given you more compassion for people who’ve made major changes
    in order to obey the Lord. Thanks for leaving footprints here but taking your shoes with you. Keep walking in faith.

  5. Zoanna, thank you for your kind words. I miss you too. I like what you said about leaving footprints and yet taking my shoes with me. Hope that is true 🙂

  6. I appreciate the honesty with which you share these struggles and victories. I can so relate to many things you have shared. I found out on Sunday that my Aunt suddenly died. Again I am facing a death in my family, to mourn the loss of a loved one from a distance, because of my decision to leave my family for the sake of the gospel years ago. At these times, I am comforted by Jesus’ promise in Mark 10:29 “Truly I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or farms, for My sake and for the gospel’s sake, but that he will receive a hundred times as much now in the present age, and houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and farms, along with persecutions; and in the age to come, eternal life.” For me, the church has become my family (Jesus said, “For whoever does the will of My Father who is in heaven, he is My brother and sister and mother.” Matt 12:50) in so many ways. I visit my family when I am able, but I have missed weddings, celebrations, funerals of dear ones, in which I can only trust in the Lord’s goodness. Here, I have celebrated more weddings, more funerals of sisters and brothers in Christ, and other celebrations, that I truly do see the words of Jesus lived out. But, there is a cost. There are times of laying my life down for the sake of the gospel, and giving up my desires and wants, knowing that the Lord is aware of these things I hold dear in my heart. And He is Faithful, that He has not let me be tempted beyond what I can endure, for His grace is sufficient in my time of weakness.

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