Where yesterday I mentioned how comforting the ordinary rituals of domesticity were in the midst of so much change, today I’m going to write about a different side of the story that happened as time went on. It might go without saying, that this is my personal experience and I don’t want to freak any soon-to-be relo-chickies out or anything…this may not happen to you. But still, just for the sake of an account of my experience, for the sake of perhaps a heads up for others, and finally for the sake of you’re not alone if this is you, I’m going to share it.
Once the blur and novelty wore off, I found many things that were once second nature, all of a sudden much harder to do. I wasn’t curled up in a dark closet in the fetal position or anything. I just felt an over arching malaise. Sometimes it was hard to tell if I was physically tired, sad, or just plain lazy. Everything from getting myself dressed and presentable in the morning, to routine housework, or even just going out of the house felt very hard. As a result, my home was less tidy than usual, my day to day appearance more -eh hem- organic than usual, and I felt tempted to be isolated rather than enjoy fellowship with others.
What was it? Was I depressed? Was I mourning? Was I just being lazy and self indulgent? Perhaps all of these things. I don’t know, but what I do know is that God has used this season of my life to teach me greater dependence on Him. It isn’t often that we find ourselves in seasons of desperation just to do the mundane. I am learning the bitter-sweetness of such a lesson.
I still have my moments where ordinary life seems just harder to get motivated to do, but they are far more sporadic. Still, I hope that the lessons of desperate dependence on the Holy Spirit to do even just the menial tasks in life will continue to inform my days whether they are easy, or the other side of ordinary.
2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.