(left to right: Abby, Me, Mom, Karyn)
There are very distinct differences between breaks I take and breaks I have been given. Taking a break often happens when I decide I don’t want to do my life anymore. This isn’t as dramatic as it sounds. When I take a break, I usually manipulate to get it. I use emotions, fatigue, a litany of the events that made my day hard and I wrap them all together to make one big excuse for why I should take a break. I’m not talking about a huge break like buying a bus ticket and heading to New York. I’m talking about things like me counting down the minutes until Jason gets home just so that I can take a break from the kiddos. Or going to my Mom’s when I still have work to do at home. It’s taking too much time on the computer or the phone. Or it’s turning Jason’s day off into my day off. The problem with these breaks is that they simply make reality all the more difficult to face again. For a moment there is a bit of relief, but what should have been done is still there waiting for me. What damage I have caused by neglecting my husband or children only adds to the original difficulty I was trying to take a break from.
But there is another kind of break. It’s the break given to me by God. It comes at just the right time. Maybe it’s Monday morning when Jason sends me to Panera to read and be re-envisioned for my life as a wife and mother. Maybe it’s when all my work is done and I head over to my moms where my kids play so well with their cousins that correction is almost non-existent. Or maybe it’s a trip to
Las Vegas to be with the girls in my family to celebrate Karyn’s 40th birthday. We had such a wonderful time. We laughed hard, ate well, and rested long. I am so amazed at God’s kindness to me expressed in Jason’s allowing me to go while he stayed with the kids (even homeschooled them!!!), my parents who paid for the spa day and pretty much all of the meals once we arrived, and my Aunt who graciously hosted us. This time in Vegas was a memory I will cherish forever.
Whether the break is big or small, one way I know it’s from God that I am so happy to get back to reality. I love my life, and a God-given break convinces me of this more than anything else. So nice to be back home!