It wasn’t the date night discussion my husband had planned. On the ride home I proceeded to
dump my anxiety on share my concern with Jason about a pattern I was seeing in our boys lately. Don’t get me wrong, I believe Jason values my observations of our boys because I am the one with them all day, but the distinct fear and unbelief that so often accompanies these observations was less than helpful.
The pattern I noticed was an increasing resistance to correction. I will spare the details, but if you take your typical blame-shifting, excuse-making, and add to it a healthy dose of ego you’ve got the general idea. So often when I see things that are legitimately concerning about my children I go into this weird guilt-fear-unbelief mode. The guilt is from how familiar their sin looks (this is my fault…they’re just like me!!!). The fear is from how their lives will go if they don’t learn to humbly receive correction. And the unbelief is from looking at myself as the one who will be the source of change for them.
The morning after our discussion, Jason came up to me and and said, “You are not going to believe what the chapter in Young Peacemaker (the book he is doing with them for Bible) is about this week…receiving correction!” God had planned all along that I would see what I needed to see about the boys before we read this chapter, and then He planned to have a tool ready for helping them change. If I had eyes of faith I would have seen all along that any revelation of sin is grace. God’s grace once again showed me what I needed to see. And rather than be grateful for the grace, I panicked and immediately committed the sin of unbelief. And yet, as I type I realize that seeing my unbelief is amazing grace at work as well.
Father, help me to recognize that seeing sin either in my life or my children’s lives is a work of your Spirit. Help me to be grateful for such grace. Because of Jesus’ death on the cross, You cleanse us from our sins, and You alone can change our hearts…mine and my boys!