They don’t know they are leading, but when my friends Mike and Donna worship God on Sunday mornings, the effect on me is always the same: I am immediately evoked to a more profound experience of worship. Having suffered the excruciatingly painful loss of their teenage son, Scott in a car accident just a few years back, their offering of worship to God is characterized by a faith and understanding of God’s sovereignty and goodness that is nothing short of miraculous and magnificent.
I can’t tell you how many times I have been in worship, and for whatever reason happened to glance behind me to the fifth center row and saw this couple with tears streaming down their cheeks, their hands raised, at time agonizing pain in their eyes, at times joy inexpressible singing songs like “haven’t You been good” or “You give and take away, my heart will choose to say blessed be Your name” or “I can’t explain all the things I see, but I’ll trust in You…hand of mercy, hand of love, giving power to overcome, if all beneath me falls away, I know that you are God…how good it is to be loved by You” or “it is well with my soul”. My heart is gripped every-time I see them. It dawns on me often that they are closer to their boy than ever during worship because they are doing exactly what Scott is doing now in Heaven in the presence of His Savior.
Today has been hard for Donna. I ask you to join me in praying for my worship leader friends. To give you insight, in case you don’t know her or read her blog, here is what she is experiencing today:
Usually I post about my life and God’s grace and mercy. Today I just hurt! My heart is broken and I am missing my son so much. I can not even begin to describe the hurt. It is emotional and physical, like every breath is an effort and painful. The tears will not shut off. No matter how hard I fight them they seem to be winning today. Pouring down my face so I can not see. My mind is swirling and the questions seem to always be the same. Why is he gone, do other people miss him also, did he make an impact while he was here, did I love him enough or tell him enough how precious he was to me? Was I a good mother. Do people care that he is gone and I am hurting? Do people understand how painful it is to look in my husbands eyes and see the same gut wrenching pain and not be able to take it away or help him. Do people understand that I love my other 2 children almost too much? I seem to be crushing them at times. I want so much for them to be OK. I want their lives to be filled with joy not pain. I am not sure why I am writing this I just know that I hurt! It does help to share the hurt. Not for pity but for understanding. This is my life everyday my son is dead. Everyday there is pain, some days are better than others. Everyday God is faithful to love me and keep me in His grasp, even though there are days I fight to be released thinking I could do better on my own. How foolish my broken heart is. I know that He is my all in all, the air that I breathe, my comforter, my true grace and mercy! I do know all of these things and am so very grateful to Him for that. It’s just today I hurt!!!
Donna, our prayers are with you. Thank you for how you have glorified God, not just on Sunday morning during worship, but in the day in day out struggle. Remember the words you have sung before :
O Wondrous Love that will not let me go,
I cling to you with all my strength and soul;
yet if my hold should ever fail,
Your wondrous love will never let me go.
I’m resting in the everlasting arms,
in the ever faithful heart, the shepherd of my life.
You’ll carry me on your mighty wings of grace,
keeping me until the day I look into Your eyes…
by Steve and Vicky Cook