Nicknames: maggie, maggs, maggsauce, magpie

Favorite music: Indy, like the brothers. Bands like Civil Wars, Need to Breathe. Broadway music, thanks to my mom.

Favorite movies, television shows: The Avengers, Hunger Games (but I love the books more), Alice in Wonderland (the Jonny Depp version). Favorite TV shows are Psych and Adventure Time.

Favorite Books: Besides the Bible (um, good girl), The Hunger Games Trilogy, The Series of Unfortunate Events

Favorite color: Teal (she’s pretty much obsessed)

Favorite type of clothing: Skirts, dresses, skinny jeans. Accessories like earrings, bracelets, and my boots.

Favorite foods: popcorn (all the way), cheese. And my favorite restaurant is Panera Bread and I always order an Asiago Cheese Bagel with sun-dried tomato cream cheese. I was really upset that they discontinued the sun-dried tomato cream cheese, but my mom figured out how to make it at home, so all is fine again.

Hobbies: singing, ballet, acting in plays

Dreams in life: to be on Broadway or become famous, either one.

Where would you like to live? Ireland. Why? because it’s so pretty there. and their accents are cool.

What is your favorite thing about your life right now? that we moved closer to our family in MD. That I have a lot of good friends. That I got to be in Annie last summer, and got a main part in our homeschool Christmas musical. 

What is the hardest thing about your life? how mean girls can be. not being lazy about school and other stuff. 

What types of things do you write in your journal at night? prayers, just about the day, how I felt about things that happened.

Who do you respect and admire? Mom (awww), Sierra, and Heather Paton. Grammy and Abuela too.

Are there any other things besides being a famous broadway singer/actor that you’d like to do when you grow up? I want to adopt a kid. Interior designer. clothing designer. 

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? I’d be skinnier.

Other things about Maggie: She loves wolves, has a stuffed animal named Porkers, a pig. She has to sleep with him every night along with her ugly doll pillow. Her personality is outgoing, but not obnoxiously so. She loves to write music with her friend, Kristina (she’s written about 20 songs). She recently discovered that despite loving the theater, she gets stage fright. She is a night owl, and loves to sleep in late (totally opposite from her mother). She loves planning events.  She loves to make cards and is really thoughtful about this. 

Current Nicknames: Josh, Jukey, Joopy, Jonny

Favorite color: green

Favorite food(s): salt and vinegar potato chips, reuben sandwiches, ham and cheese sandwiches

Favorite sweet(s): red velvet cupcakes with cream cheese icing

Favorite type of music: Indy bands such as Lumineers, Young the Giant, Two Door Cinema Club, Mumford and Sons

Favorite hobbies: basketball, drumming, soccer (sports in general)

Favorite subject in school: Math

What could you see yourself doing for a job? no idea, maybe engineering or accounting

How would you describe your personality? outgoing and shy at the same time. I’m outgoing when it’s just me and one or two other people,  but in a big group I’m pretty quiet.

What do you like most about your life right now? Playing basketball with the Falcons, and my social life (I have great friends).

What do you like least about your life right now? School

Who’s your favorite parent? Do I have to answer that?

1.  My sons, Joshua and Caleb are 15. Israel is 14. And my baby girl, Maggie, is 11 years old!

2. We live in Mount Laurel, NJ. I never dreamed I’d live in NJ, but I have to say I absolutely love it. We have Philadelphia just 15 minutes away, the beach 1 hour away, NYC 1 hour away, and our family is just 1.5 hours away. It really is a perfect location for us! And I’m even learning to drive around here, which isn’t easy, trust me!

3. Jason is an associate pastor of Sovereign Grace Church of Marlton, NJ. He is loving his job, his fellow pastors, and the church. In fact, we all love the church here. My children are blessed to be part of a really great youth group. They have more social opportunities than I even thought possible. It’s a wonderful and busy church community, and we love it.

4.  We are homeschooling again after taking a year off two years ago while the kids enjoyed New Covenant Christian School. We have a really good co-op here at church, so the kids are able to take classes from others who are way more equipped to teach them at the high school level. The twins are in 10th grade, Israel is in 9th grade, and Maggie is in 6th grade.

5.  The men-folk in our family are still into sports. All three boys love soccer. Joshua is mildly obsessed with basketball. Izzy is playing basketball too, this season. Caleb is going to try snowboarding for the first time this winter, heaven help us…I feel a trip to the ER is in my future. Maggie is interested in theater. She is a good little singer, like her cousin Sierra. She played Tessie in Annie last summer, and this Friday night she will be in the homeschool Christmas Musical at church.

6. The kids are still playing their instruments. Caleb plays guitar, Josh plays drums, Izzy plays bass but isn’t as into it these days. Maggie could be their lead singer, but they think that would be too cheesy. We will see what happens as they get older.

If the kids will agree to it, I want to interview each of them individually so I’ll have a record of what they were like at this age when I look back ten more years down the road!

My twins as little guys – 10 years old. This is one of my all-time favorite pictures of them!

I started this blog several years ago kind of on a whim. I discovered the whole “blog world” accidentally, and was thrilled to find there was this semi-formal way to publish my writing. I have always enjoyed writing and the combination of my crazy experience with my four very funny and cute kids, and learning so much about life and God I was thrilled to find an outlet to publish. The fact that others actually read and commented was such a motivator to continue! When you’re home all day with young’uns, having a grown up comment on your blog post was social gold!

I am so glad I blogged while my kids were younger. I love to go back through my old posts and find “quotable kiddo” moments that would have been lost forever if I hadn’t written them down. I am so glad I wrote about what my life was like during that really intense season of having young kids close in age, and learning how to homeschool. I love looking back and reading about how God guided me through everything from insomnia, legalism, and comparing with others to various recipes and homemaking ventures that appealed to me during those years. There’s something about writing through the nitty gritty’s of life that helps me cherish that time more, and helps me remember the struggles my younger mom friends may be experiencing.

This brings me to the real point of this post. My kids are older now. I have three teenage boys and a preteen girl. My life isn’t slowing down, it’s speeding up. My kids are just as cute and funny as ever. And they drive me just as crazy to the Savior more than ever. I’m loving this season of having teens. I’m way in over my head…that is the theme of this blog, really, isn’t it?! But I’m learning more lessons about life and about God. I want to quote my funny teenagers. I want to remember the moments of real life this season brings: still insomnia, still comparing, still legalism….just different reasons and venues. I want to share the recipes (food is a huge theme during the teen years), and the home making things that are working (or not working). I’m in my car all of the time driving them here and there. I have the freedom to leave the house (even when they’re at home), so it’s hard to find time to sit and write. But I really, really want to.

There are dozens and dozens of mommy blogs out there, but there aren’t many mom-of-teen blogs out there.  I think I might start one. Or continue this one with that emphasis.

As I type, two of my boys are reading over my shoulder. They are in a bit of a panic over what I might write. I assured them I wouldn’t publish anything personal that they hadn’t approved first. It’s gonna be tricky, but I really want to be able to look back at this craziest-season-yet with my children and read through what they were saying and doing, and what God was saying and doing…because I know more than ever that very soon, it’s going to end!

I found this recipe on Pinterest over the summer and tried it the other day. It’s easy, and it’s delicious.

1. Slice 3-4 apples in half with a large knife, then scoop out the seeds and stem parts with a melon baller.

2. Mix together:
a little over half stick/quarter cup melted butter or margarine or fat of your choice
1/2 cup oats
1/2 cup flour
1/2 cup brown sugar
1 tsp cinnamon
pinch of ground ginger
pinch of salt

3. Fill and top apple halves with the mixture.

4. Bake at 350 F/180 C until tops are golden brown and apples swell, about 30 minutes.

(Courtesy: Cooking Outside the Box)

This is why I call anxiety my friend. Because when I feel my heart racing and my palms sweating and my thoughts swirling out of control I have a very physical reminder that I need God. I am actually living in reality for a minute: this is life if you think you can do it on your own. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

But with God all things are possible, so I let my friend anxiety take me to Jesus. I begin my school year with this one day. I don’t have tomorrow or all of the other days yet. I just have today. And today I read Psalm 50. Today I read that God wants me to offer a sacrifice of Thanksgiving (for school, for my children, for the things that keep me on my knees even though I don’t like them), call upon Him in the day of trouble (and today will have trouble because this is a broken world, with a broken mom and children trying to do life together in very close proximity), and He will deliver me (because I am in Christ which means though sin remains, there is grace more powerful to cover and enable me and my children to do life together today), and I will glorify Him (because I know that when I fail, He forgives; and when I succeed, He has enabled). (verses 14, 15)

I really do hope someday to have faith great enough that anxiety is no longer my “friend”. Oh how I long to wake up with thoughts of God’s greatness, not my inadequacy. Until that day happens, I want to remember that racing heart and racing thoughts mean I need to race to Jesus and set my hope on Him.

You may have heard me talk about my metal box of sanctification also know as my mini van. A lot of life happens in those close quarters.  A lot of arguing. A lot of singing. A lot of me asking forgiveness (especially on the way to church after I’ve rushed them out the door in anger and impatience). A lot of rolling down the windows to “air it out”, A lot of praying. A lot of “I spy”. A lot of talking.

Something I’ve done over the years is look in my rear view mirror and really try to take a picture in my mind’s eye of what I see. This view is constantly changing. There are the early images of two new born carriers facing backwards. Every time the car came to a stop, Joshy would cry. I remember them both screaming their heads off on the way home from church one day. We pulled over only to find that both of their little new born hats had slid over their eyes.

I remember three car seats. Bald headed toddlers facing front, new born Izzy in a new car seat that some genius had figured out a way to take the car seat out and click it to the stroller so I didn’t have to disturb my baby in the transfer. His was bright blue with yellow piping.

I remember three fuzzy headed boys with their sippy cups and their containers of cheerios. We would listen to veggie tales songs in the car.

I remember the panic of potty training twins having to go “right now” as I drove through rush hour traffic on I95. I pulled over. We had worked way too hard at this for them to get confused now.  Two little boys, pants around their ankles, doing their business on the side of the road! I laughed so hard at the incidental “mooning” of a thousand cars.

I remember when the rear view mirror included four sets of dark brown eyes now including a little girl wearing pig tails way before she had enough hair to do so. I remember seeing one of my sons picking his nose and when I told him to stop, he paused a moment then asked, “Mom, did God see me picking my nose and tell you to tell me to stop?” Of course I said, “yes, God tells me everything you’re doing when I’m not looking!” Just kidding. But, it was cute that he didn’t realize I could see in the rear view mirror.

I’ve seen chubby cheeks get lean.

I’ve seen bald heads, buzz cuts, moppy hair, and french braids.

I’ve seen runny noses and nose picking.

I’ve seen scratched up elbows and knees, baseball caps, and soccer jerseys.

I’ve seen game boys turn to ipods.

I’ve heard new born screams, toddler giggles, singing of silly songs and worship songs and broadway tunes (ok, just me and maggs, but I know the boys have the Wicked soundtrack memorized whether they admit it or not), various pandora stations, and now man-voices requesting some kind of music I will endure for a little while.

In the rear view mirror, the picture is ever-changing.  I want to savor every moment…even the loud, hard ones that truly have been a means of sanctification, because all too soon, there will be empty seats in my rear view mirror. Until then, I’ll listen to the Skrillex station on Pandora, be the arbitrator over the “shot-gun debates”, and roll down the window to get a breath of fresh air when necessary. Today, at some point, I’ll look and see a couple of handsome teen age boys who are finally into hygiene, and my big girl with looooong brown hair and thick black eyelashes and I’ll thank God for these precious blessings that fill my rear view mirror, that fill my heart!

As I look at the mess around me, most of it not created by me, I want to remind myself of two things: 

1. Life is short. Along with the trash on the table is list Maggie made of all that she plans to pack for vacation. She has categories. One is bed items. Another is clothing. A third is car ride. Beside each item there are two boxes to be checked off. One for when she packs, the other for when she leaves the beach to make sure she doesn’t forget anything. So I look at this list, and I see my ten year old girl using her gift of administration in it’s little ten-year-old form. I don’t want to miss the “list” for all of the trash that surrounds it. These days, weeks, months, and years are zooming by at break neck pace now. The older they get, the faster it seems to go. I want to remember that even in the midst of all of the messiness of family life, this season I am in with my children is zooming by. I sooooo want to slow down and enjoy it as much as possible because life, particularly life with our kids, is just so short!

2. Children are eternal. It is true. Their souls will live forever, Lord willing, in the presence of God both here and after. So any time I choose to invest in my children, whether it’s time, affection, training, etc. I’m investing in something, or rather someone of eternal value. The laundry only seems eternal. Just like kids sometimes feel so very “here and now”. 

So as I prepare for vacation, I have a choice to make right here, right now. I can view the extra work that didn’t come with extra time as a burden, or I can view it as an amazing opportunity to slow down and enjoy my family in the season we are currently in, and do my part in making treasured memories that will last an eternity. Truly, what a blessing!

I am once again faced with this power of getting back up. There are so many areas in which I want to establish a habit or a routine but keep falling off.

My diet. Two months of depriving myself of one of life’s pleasures: sugar! I only lost 5 or so pounds and it was soooooo hard! So, I gave up. The sacrifice simply didn’t seem worth it. But now those 5 lbs are back and I have to do something about it because I’d rather be losing just a few pounds here and there rather than let it become 30 through neglect of diet. (I hate this aspect of aging!!!)

My blog. I really want to be consistent to write each day. I can never seem to get into a routine of writing. Life gets busy and the blog goes by the wayside, which is appropriate, but once I stop it’s soooooo hard to get back into writing. So I have a series going right now, which should make the process easier since I’ve thought through this material before, but once I miss the little window in the morning, my opportunity is gone!

Exercise. My new friends are an amazing group of gals who are serious about fitness. All of them exercise regularly, most of them via running. They inspire me. I have always wanted to be a runner. It seems like a very efficient form of exercise and very practical. So, I downloaded an app called Get Running. It is a form of the couch to 5k program. I started it enthusiastically. But again, good intentions succumbed to laziness, apathy, and a busy schedule. Buh-bye running.

There are tons of categories where I have plans that are so hard to stick to. A housework routine. Homeschool schedule. Family night. Dinner menu plan. I seem to get a good start, but can’t make it long enough to have that ingrained habit. I hate this about myself, really, I do.

Why am I saying all of this? Well, first of all I’d love to hear any helpful processes you use to establish good habits in your life, and maybe how to break bad ones. But I want to state the obvious just in case anyone out there is like me and has a hard time sustaining new habits. There is power in trying again. In falling off the bandwagon of diet, exercise, reading, whatever…get back up. I know myself. I’m not going to be able to establish 10 new habits at a time…but oh how I want to. I so want instant, painless, flawless success. But hat’s just not me. I’m a fall and get up again girl.

I did something pretty amazing today. Rather than throw up my hands in disgust over my lack of diligence and discipline, I went outside and used my little Get Running App. I pulled up this blog…fully knowing I’m supposed to be in the middle of a Mommy Series, but wrote something anyway. I hope it lasts a few days in a row, but even if it doesn’t, I want to keep trying. You only really fail if you give up completely, right?

Now, I’m serious here… what do you do to establish new habits? What are you success stories? What makes you fail? Share away!

I still plan to get back to my blog series. Mostly because I’ve fallen off that bandwagon too… I need to remind myself more than anyone else that children are a blessing and a reward! Thanks for hanging in there with me, friends.

“Maybe Jason should go this time. Oh darn, he’s preaching!”

“I’m sure it’s just potty/diaper related.”

“Why must we sit on the front row?!”

“Who did he bite this time?”

You grab your jumbo neon diaper bag hoping that the non verbal message will be clear, “I’m sure it’s just a diaper change…see, here is my big huge diaper bag.”

You get back to the classroom where a sobbing blonde, curly-haired girl is being comforted by a helper and your two year old son walks over smiling, reaching up his hands to you and you notice a clump of blonde curly hair is entangled in his chubby little fingers! Red-faced and suddenly sweating, you try to discreetly remove the hair from his fingers, apologize profusely, and take your little perpetrator out of the room.

Sometimes, what flashed up on the screen as my child’s identification number felt, in fact, like my identification number. My parenting skills, or lack thereof were on display for all the world to see…or so it seemed for that five minutes.

That is a silly and somewhat exaggerated example of my joy in parenting being robbed by my child’s embarrassing bad behavior. But it represents what is still my tendency, which is to look to my children as little monuments to my inability as a mother. When I hear them arguing, I think, “they do this because I haven’t trained them to be peacemakers.” When I see them being lazy, I think, “They do this because I have indulged them far too much.” When I hear the harsh words coming out of their mouths I think, “those are words they have heard from my own mouth!” And rather than be in a position to help them, I’m crippled by the idea that I’m ruining my children. I’m a failure as a mother, and therefore I don’t view my children as a blessing or a reward – I view them as exhibitions of my sin and failure.

The fact of the matter is that I have sinned and failed many, many times as a mother. We are going to talk more about what to do with that sin and failure in another post, but there is another perspective we can have of our children’s public and private displays of sin, even if they are the result of our own insufficiencies as moms. First, my faith increases as I realize that God, the all-seeing One, is looking at my little family and showing me what I need to see in my children’s hearts. This is not to discourage me, it’s to invite me to be part of the process of rescuing this child, restoring this child, and bringing this child to Jesus, his Savior. Second, it’s good for me to see their sins as connected to my own sin because it’s humbling, and I can come alongside them in the process of change rather than try to be above them as if I’ve arrived. Hopefully, I’m more mature in those areas now so I can tell them that I too struggle with that sin, but I have also seen where God has and is continuing to change me. There is far more hope and joy in viewing ourselves as instruments in God’s hands to help our children come to Christ and grow in their faith than to view ourselves as moms whose identity is wrapped up in our children’s success or failure. They are going to make us proud (in the best sense of the word) and they are going to make mistakes – often on the same day! The blessing is that we have the privilege of being part of this process of seeing with eyes of faith where God is at work exposing both strengths and weaknesses so that we can guide them through both to Jesus, who will forgive them, change them, and use them for His glory alone.