My Friend, Anxiety

I woke at 4am with my friend anxiety speeding up my heart rate and making me sweat before my mind could even process what she was saying. School. First day of school. First day of what will be a loooong year of feeling the weight of responsibility for the mental, physical, emotional, spiritual well-being of my kids, and feeling that weight 24/7. I’m not ready for this. I’ve done the planning. It’s going to be a really easy day academically speaking. But I’m not ready for the battle that started before I was even aware it was happening.

This is why I call anxiety my friend. Because when I feel my heart racing and my palms sweating and my thoughts swirling out of control I have a very physical reminder that I need God. I am actually living in reality for a minute: this is life if you think you can do it on your own. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

But with God all things are possible, so I let my friend anxiety take me to Jesus. I begin my school year with this one day. I don’t have tomorrow or all of the other days yet. I just have today. And today I read Psalm 50. Today I read that God wants me to offer a sacrifice of Thanksgiving (for school, for my children, for the things that keep me on my knees even though I don’t like them), call upon Him in the day of trouble (and today will have trouble because this is a broken world, with a broken mom and children trying to do life together in very close proximity), and He will deliver me (because I am in Christ which means though sin remains, there is grace more powerful to cover and enable me and my children to do life together today), and I will glorify Him (because I know that when I fail, He forgives; and when I succeed, He has enabled). (verses 14, 15)

I really do hope someday to have faith great enough that anxiety is no longer my “friend”. Oh how I long to wake up with thoughts of God’s greatness, not my inadequacy. Until that day happens, I want to remember that racing heart and racing thoughts mean I need to race to Jesus and set my hope on Him.

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9 thoughts on “My Friend, Anxiety

  1. Praying for you and the kiddos this morning. It’s going to be a wonderful year because you know where your help comes from.

  2. “I am actually living in reality for a minute: this is life if you think you can do it on your own. Be afraid. Be very afraid.”

    word. this is great, Laurie. love the clear picture of how anxiety takes you to the Savior!

  3. very encouraging. I have tried to leave a thoughtful response twice now and it keeps getting erased or I have to walk away from it and the window shuts down. ugh. story of my life and per my recent post, everything is discouraging me.. let me persevere one more stinking time.

    THis post is evidence of a well instructed and disciplined heart despite what you think or feel. I appreciate how you worked your mind through the PSalm. God led me to Is. 61 this a.m. and I was encouraged to remember that Jesus came to bestow on me a ‘crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning and a garment of praise instead of the spirit of despair…”

    It continues to point us to the outcome, that of us becoming oaks of righteousness for the “display of HIS splendor”…..

    My prayer right now is that both our lives, Laurie, and our families would be a display of HIS splendor.

    love you.

  4. This is the second post IN A ROW I just read on anxiety related to school starting. I hope God’s not preparing me for some sort of special trial in this area! :)

    But thanks for your words. If there’s one thing the first week of school taught me is I can’t do this by myself. Yeah, I can teach academics, probably, but the attitudes and heart, that’s all God!

  5. Of course- concisely pointing us to where our help comes from. Our faith isn’t that we have things in order, our help isn’t that we are part of a great support group, our peace isn’t that my boy wasn’t as far behind as I thought in his math class, but our faith, help, peace, hope, and security all rest in the truth of the invisible, indescribable ALMIGHTY.
    Thanks Laurie for helping me reflect on the truth I need to remember.

  6. Anxiety is a friend? Hmm. Interesting perspective. I always think ‘enemy’ in the sense that it pulls me away from God or has me fighting myself for a while until I train my thoughts on Him. He has given you EVERYTHING you need for life and godliness. EVERYTHING. Keep counting all those things, Laurie, when counting the days or the costs or the daydreams of escaping from the homeschool overwhelm you. You’re doing a good job. Keep the end in mind. It will be here sooner than you think, and will be worth all the sacrifices. .

  7. I’m so glad to see my friend Laurie writing again! A wonderful perspective of our kind Lord Jesus who uses all things to draw us nearer. Thank you for helping me see that!

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