Blessing Boosters Part 1: Life is Short; Kids are Eternal

I sit at the kitchen table where my computer barely has room. Around me are two cups half full, and empty box of raisins, two bottles of men’s shampoo/body wash (how random!), a potato peeler, a coupon, an empty sandwich bag, and the latest book on cd I’ve been listening to while I work in the kitchen. I’m getting ready to go on vacation, which if you’re a mom, you know there is a ton of work to do and I probably shouldn’t be sitting here typing on my computer, but I need to take a breath and this is how I do that. Pardon the “messiness” of this post. No time to polish.

As I look at the mess around me, most of it not created by me, I want to remind myself of two things: 

1. Life is short. Along with the trash on the table is list Maggie made of all that she plans to pack for vacation. She has categories. One is bed items. Another is clothing. A third is car ride. Beside each item there are two boxes to be checked off. One for when she packs, the other for when she leaves the beach to make sure she doesn’t forget anything. So I look at this list, and I see my ten year old girl using her gift of administration in it’s little ten-year-old form. I don’t want to miss the “list” for all of the trash that surrounds it. These days, weeks, months, and years are zooming by at break neck pace now. The older they get, the faster it seems to go. I want to remember that even in the midst of all of the messiness of family life, this season I am in with my children is zooming by. I sooooo want to slow down and enjoy it as much as possible because life, particularly life with our kids, is just so short!

2. Children are eternal. It is true. Their souls will live forever, Lord willing, in the presence of God both here and after. So any time I choose to invest in my children, whether it’s time, affection, training, etc. I’m investing in something, or rather someone of eternal value. The laundry only seems eternal. Just like kids sometimes feel so very “here and now”. 

So as I prepare for vacation, I have a choice to make right here, right now. I can view the extra work that didn’t come with extra time as a burden, or I can view it as an amazing opportunity to slow down and enjoy my family in the season we are currently in, and do my part in making treasured memories that will last an eternity. Truly, what a blessing!

 

The Power of Getting Back Up Again

I first recognized this power when I was in college. I really wanted to establish a regular Bible reading time in the mornings. I was in a discipleship group that used the Navigator’s material called, The Colossians 2:7 series which emphasized the importance of the spiritual disciplines. Throughout the course we were challenged to accomplish various “feats” of discipline. One of them was 30 consecutive days of Bible reading. I would do great for a few days, but miss one. That led to missing two or three. At some point, I realized that historically, this is where I lost hope and jumped off the wagon of establishing the discipline of reading. This would never lead to a new habit. So, I did something different. Regardless of how many days, or even weeks I fell off of the daily Bible reading wagon, I got back up again and started fresh. And you know what happened? The gaps became fewer. The stretches of reading daily became longer. And with the help of an accountability group through the Col. 2:7 series, I eventually read the Bible for 30 days consecutively. And it’s true that once you start a habit, it’s more uncomfortable not to do it than to do it. That habit (for the most part) is still in place 20+ years later.

I am once again faced with this power of getting back up. There are so many areas in which I want to establish a habit or a routine but keep falling off.

My diet. Two months of depriving myself of one of life’s pleasures: sugar! I only lost 5 or so pounds and it was soooooo hard! So, I gave up. The sacrifice simply didn’t seem worth it. But now those 5 lbs are back and I have to do something about it because I’d rather be losing just a few pounds here and there rather than let it become 30 through neglect of diet. (I hate this aspect of aging!!!)

My blog. I really want to be consistent to write each day. I can never seem to get into a routine of writing. Life gets busy and the blog goes by the wayside, which is appropriate, but once I stop it’s soooooo hard to get back into writing. So I have a series going right now, which should make the process easier since I’ve thought through this material before, but once I miss the little window in the morning, my opportunity is gone!

Exercise. My new friends are an amazing group of gals who are serious about fitness. All of them exercise regularly, most of them via running. They inspire me. I have always wanted to be a runner. It seems like a very efficient form of exercise and very practical. So, I downloaded an app called Get Running. It is a form of the couch to 5k program. I started it enthusiastically. But again, good intentions succumbed to laziness, apathy, and a busy schedule. Buh-bye running.

There are tons of categories where I have plans that are so hard to stick to. A housework routine. Homeschool schedule. Family night. Dinner menu plan. I seem to get a good start, but can’t make it long enough to have that ingrained habit. I hate this about myself, really, I do.

Why am I saying all of this? Well, first of all I’d love to hear any helpful processes you use to establish good habits in your life, and maybe how to break bad ones. But I want to state the obvious just in case anyone out there is like me and has a hard time sustaining new habits. There is power in trying again. In falling off the bandwagon of diet, exercise, reading, whatever…get back up. I know myself. I’m not going to be able to establish 10 new habits at a time…but oh how I want to. I so want instant, painless, flawless success. But hat’s just not me. I’m a fall and get up again girl.

I did something pretty amazing today. Rather than throw up my hands in disgust over my lack of diligence and discipline, I went outside and used my little Get Running App. I pulled up this blog…fully knowing I’m supposed to be in the middle of a Mommy Series, but wrote something anyway. I hope it lasts a few days in a row, but even if it doesn’t, I want to keep trying. You only really fail if you give up completely, right?

Now, I’m serious here… what do you do to establish new habits? What are you success stories? What makes you fail? Share away!

I still plan to get back to my blog series. Mostly because I’ve fallen off that bandwagon too… I need to remind myself more than anyone else that children are a blessing and a reward! Thanks for hanging in there with me, friends.

Burden Builder #3: Identity Issues

Has this ever happened to you? Ten minutes into the sermon a number flashes up on the screen. You recognize it as your two year old’s children’s church identification number. Several things go through your mind as you rustle through your purse looking for your matching i.d. card.

“Maybe Jason should go this time. Oh darn, he’s preaching!”

“I’m sure it’s just potty/diaper related.”

“Why must we sit on the front row?!”

“Who did he bite this time?”

You grab your jumbo neon diaper bag hoping that the non verbal message will be clear, “I’m sure it’s just a diaper change…see, here is my big huge diaper bag.”

You get back to the classroom where a sobbing blonde, curly-haired girl is being comforted by a helper and your two year old son walks over smiling, reaching up his hands to you and you notice a clump of blonde curly hair is entangled in his chubby little fingers! Red-faced and suddenly sweating, you try to discreetly remove the hair from his fingers, apologize profusely, and take your little perpetrator out of the room.

Sometimes, what flashed up on the screen as my child’s identification number felt, in fact, like my identification number. My parenting skills, or lack thereof were on display for all the world to see…or so it seemed for that five minutes.

That is a silly and somewhat exaggerated example of my joy in parenting being robbed by my child’s embarrassing bad behavior. But it represents what is still my tendency, which is to look to my children as little monuments to my inability as a mother. When I hear them arguing, I think, “they do this because I haven’t trained them to be peacemakers.” When I see them being lazy, I think, “They do this because I have indulged them far too much.” When I hear the harsh words coming out of their mouths I think, “those are words they have heard from my own mouth!” And rather than be in a position to help them, I’m crippled by the idea that I’m ruining my children. I’m a failure as a mother, and therefore I don’t view my children as a blessing or a reward – I view them as exhibitions of my sin and failure.

The fact of the matter is that I have sinned and failed many, many times as a mother. We are going to talk more about what to do with that sin and failure in another post, but there is another perspective we can have of our children’s public and private displays of sin, even if they are the result of our own insufficiencies as moms. First, my faith increases as I realize that God, the all-seeing One, is looking at my little family and showing me what I need to see in my children’s hearts. This is not to discourage me, it’s to invite me to be part of the process of rescuing this child, restoring this child, and bringing this child to Jesus, his Savior. Second, it’s good for me to see their sins as connected to my own sin because it’s humbling, and I can come alongside them in the process of change rather than try to be above them as if I’ve arrived. Hopefully, I’m more mature in those areas now so I can tell them that I too struggle with that sin, but I have also seen where God has and is continuing to change me. There is far more hope and joy in viewing ourselves as instruments in God’s hands to help our children come to Christ and grow in their faith than to view ourselves as moms whose identity is wrapped up in our children’s success or failure. They are going to make us proud (in the best sense of the word) and they are going to make mistakes – often on the same day! The blessing is that we have the privilege of being part of this process of seeing with eyes of faith where God is at work exposing both strengths and weaknesses so that we can guide them through both to Jesus, who will forgive them, change them, and use them for His glory alone.

 

A Little .5 Incline of my Own

Hi friends. I’m just posting to say that due to my own little .5 incline (read about it here if this makes no sense to you). I’m not going to writing any new posts this week. If you came to the party late, here are the links to my posts so far, and don’t forget to look at the comment box. Much of the conversation there is better than my blog posts:

Post 1: Blessings or Burdens?

Post 2: Burden Builder #1: Misplaced Priorities 

Post 3: Burden Builder #2: Comparison part a

Post 4: Burden Builder #2: Comparison part b

Post 5: Burden Builder #2: Comparison part c

I’ll also try to post from the archives or links to other blogs (that would be a hint to anyone else who blogs and wants to write on this topic. just make sure I see your post.)

Hope you are enjoying those blessings that come in the form of chubby cheeks and dimpled knuckles, or scruffy hair and skinned knees, or bottomless pit stomaches and scratchy boy-man voices (insert your child[ren]‘s season of life description here).

 

Burden Builder #2: comparison…again!

There are many moms experiencing a tremendous amount of guilt and anxiety over their feelings for one of their children. We dearly love our kids, but maybe you have a problem child. Maybe you have a socially awkward child. Maybe you have a child who is just like you or not like you at all, but for whatever reason, compared to his or her siblings, this kiddo makes your life more difficult. We as moms, especially as christian moms, would have a very difficult time admitting to ourselves let alone anyone else that we resent one of our own children. If I could, I’d pour you a cup of coffee, sit across the table from you and remind you that for sinful moms, love never really comes naturally. In God’s common, restraining grace, He has given moms a maternal instinct that connects us to our babies as if they were our own hearts walking around outside of our bodies (i can’t remember who i stole that description from, but isn’t it perfect?). And yet, though we know we would not think twice about dying for any of our children, the day in day out loving them – especially when they are being difficult to love –  is not natural because of sin, ours and theirs. And if you were sitting across from me at my dining room table I would tell you that this child is perhaps your greatest blessing because he or she is actually keeping you in reality about yourself and your need for Jesus. Anything…anyone who turns you to Christ in desperation is an ultimate source of tremendous blessing.

If you haven’t had a chance to, read some of the conversations in the comment box. You can feel free to ask questions there as well… I have lots of wise ladies who will comment, or write a post of their own.

Just a consideration… if you have a difficult child I would want you to have a safe place to share your struggle. This is not that place. You could speak in generalities here, but don’t forget to protect your kiddo’s reputation. I know most of you gals, and these sentences are probably completely unnecessary, but just in case, I want to say be careful with your details!

Burden Builder #2: Comparison part b

Anyone who doesn’t think women are as competitive as men has never been to a preschool playgroup. We already talked yesterday about our ranking system with one another, but we have another ranking system with regard to our children. Are they normal? Are they bright? Are they godly? Are they winsome? Do they fit in? Are they leaders? Are they followers? These are important questions to ask ourselves, actually. We need to be evaluating where our children are doing well and where they need to grow. It’s part of our role in raising them. But when that desire to be discerning morphs into disappointment, fear, or discouragement over where you think your child should be by comparing with others, an unnecessary weight of burden grows, and as a result your children may not feel like the blessing they are.

I did this when my kids were little. How do they compare with newborn development milestones? (Holding their heads up, rolling over, putting hands together, sleeping through the night.)Where did my toddlers rate on the willing eater chart? How well did I train them to share toys, obey me, take a nap? How much t.v. and video time does my child watch compared to other children? Potty training? Public restaurant behavior?  There are sooooo many areas in which I compared my poor children. And with the comparison my flimsy joy would rise and fall.

I did this a lot with homeschooling. Its a whole new field for comparison! I remember talking to another mom about what her son would read and think that my sons were so far behind by comparison. (Just even the fact that her son would choose to read for leisure would make me cringe when I think of the manipulation tactics I have always had to use to get mine to sit with a book!) Or,  I remember seeing my daughter’s spelling in a note she wrote to a friend and there was a twinge of pain because I happened to know what an amazing speller (reader, and all around good student) this little friend was.

I do this now with spiritual maturity. I love the fact that our youth group has so many godly young men and women, but I can look at my sons and think they are doing pretty well, but not as well as so and so. I wish they would be less in bondage to fear of man and more bold to lead in godliness like some of the other boys.

The problem in my comparing isn’t that I’m seeing areas in my children’s lives that could use attention. I wanted my toddlers to eat well, get potty trained, and be relatively well-behaved in public. I still want to help my children grow in their love of reading. I want my daughter to learn to spell better. I want my sons to be godly leaders among their peers. The problem is that if I compare my kids with other people’s kids, I often miss the blessing of seeing the grace of God already at work in my own children’s lives.

I miss that while my boys don’t like to sit for an hour and read, they do like to be with people and socialize. None of them would prefer to be home with a book instead of with people. I think that is a blessing!

I miss that while my daughter was having trouble spelling, she wanted to write a note to encourage her friend. Maggie is very much inclined to write encouragement notes. Who cares about the spelling?! What a blessing.

I miss that while my boys are still finding their way among new friends, they have grown in their walk with the Lord in many ways. They are serving at church and reading their Bibles. They are surrounded by godly role models that make it “cool” to be serious about their walk with the Lord. What a blessing!

So be careful, moms not to compare in a way that robs you of the joy in your own children. Isn’t it amazing that God is at work in the littlest lives? Take time to think through the areas that you may think your children don’t stack up and see if there is a different blessing to be noticed in them. I am sure you will find what you are looking for!

I’m going to stop here. I’m still not finished with the topic of comparison, though. I think one more day but next time dealing with comparing our children to one another. In the meantime, I’d love to hear in the comments about where you tend to compare your children. How do you change your perspective about your kiddos when you’re tempted to be discouraged with slow progress in an area? Are their ways you can prepare yourself before a situation of comparing occurs (like before play group, co-op, youth group, parent/teacher conference, etc.), as well as after a situation of comparing occurs?

If you haven’t noticed, the comment box has been full of really great wisdom on these topics. It’s worth clicking in just to see what some of my wise and godly friends are saying about these topics.