Monthly Archives: January 2012

Faith and Feeling

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I’ve been reading through the E100 with my church and one of the themes I’m enjoying is the theme of faith producing radical obedience and how it so pleases God. I noticed it the other week when Abraham is willing to sacrifice his son, Isaac, because He believes that God is who he says he is and will do what He promises to do. God was pleased. Then I read about Joseph last week who even when life went from bad to worse, kept his faith and served diligently wherever God had him. He is even able to say to his brothers, “what you meant for harm, God meant for good.” What faith! This morning it was two midwives who chose to obey God, fearing Him more than Pharaoh who had commanded them to kill new born Hebrew boys. What faith!

Last week, I also  read the following in a marriage book, and it helps me take the big ideas from scripture and insert them into my own life. Author, Winston Smith, says:

True faith is most obvious when it empowers you to action that’s opposite to your emotions. Doing what you feel like doing doesn’t take faith. Faith, being focused on the unseen person and activity of God often calls you to move against your fears, doubts, disappointment, and anger. That doesn’t mean that you have to deny those feeling. on the contrary, you have the freedom to acknowledge and confess them because you aren’t allowing yourself to be defined by them. In your marriage [or parenting, or work place, or church, or friendships], you choose to act not just because you feel things but because you’re moved by another relationship that’s more powerful, your relationship with God. the power of that relationship becomes most obvious when it moves you to do what God wants, rather than what you want.  (Marriage Matters, pg.263, parenthesis mine)

So often, my feelings rule the day when it comes to “common place” obedience. I want to remember Abraham, Joseph, and the midwives, but far more, I want to remember the faithful God who is who He says He is and does what He says He will do; and I want that belief to move me to acts of obedience both radical and mundane. I’m so glad that who He is is Jesus, the Savior, and what He does is have mercy on sinners, like me,  who still waver in their faith, but by His grace, don’t want to.

Fantasy, Meet Reality

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Joseph isn’t the only dreamer. But somehow, when I dream, it is oh so different. More like a fantasy…

It began when the nurse placed my oldest twin in my arms soon after his birth. In the fantasy I had created in my head (partly based on a circa 1988 made for t.v. movie, and partly on the testimonials of many moms before me) a maternal gush would erupt from my heart toward this child. Reality is, the only things I felt in that moment were relief, fatigue, and thirst (what is up with the ice-chips?) I thought I had maternal gush with my third son, but it was only the Percocet which dropped me into a postpartum stupor the first week I was home. Perhaps the most shocking collision between fantasy and reality was breastfeeding. The fantasy: me and the boys in white, somehow in soft focus; them peacefully partaking of the milk of life, me with a tired smile on my face looking lovingly at my babies. Reality: pain that made me want to punch something every time they latched on. Before I continue and cause great concern to all the maternal gushers and lactation experts, I want you to know that very soon after they were born, I fell madly in love with each of my babies. There are emotions reserved for them that simply can’t be described with words. And I even cherish fond memories of milky smiles and warm baby bodies pressed up to mine while I nursed them. But the new-born phase seems to most tangibly illustrate something that characterizes much of my experience of motherhood: fantasy and reality are two very different things.

Before I had children I fantasized being some combination of Elisabeth Elliot, June Cleaver, and  Martha Stewart (now what in my average-at-best history compelled me to even consider such an image for myself I do not know, but I suppose we’ll save that for another post). Reality is I constantly fall short of my own expectations of who I think I should be. Reality is that I am angrier than I want to be. Reality is I am more selfish than I want to be. Reality is I am more inconsistent than I want to be. Reality is I pray less than I should. Reality is I love comfort more than I should. It seems a classic case of Romans 7:15 “For what I will to do, that I do not practice, but what I hate, that I do.” Motherhood keeps me exposed for who I really am, a sinner in need of a Savior.

It is the mercy of God that I am seeing the real me. I don’t like it in the moment, but seeing my sin has caused me to understand better, appreciate more, and grow in deeper affection for another reality. It is the reality of the gospel. Reality is “It is by grace you have been saved through faith, and this not from yourselves. It is the gift of God, not of works, that no man should boast.”(Eph. 2:8,9). Reality is “If we confess our sins He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1John 1:9). Reality is “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Phil 4:13) Reality is “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Cor 12:9). Reality is that “when we are faithless, He is faithful”. All of this is reality for me because “God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together in Christ…that in the ages to come He might show the exceeding riches of His grace in His kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.” (Eph 2:4,5,7).

How would I understand these verses if I were able to actually be for ten minutes, the fantasy me? When I peel back the layers of the “fantasy” mother I long to be, what I find at the center is a golden me. I want to be perfect, and beautiful, and dare I say, worshiped. But because of God’s patience, and mercy, He shows me who I am. But He also shows me His Son. He shows me the reality of the gospel at work in my life. He shows me grace flowing from the cross in forgiving me, and changing me.

So the next time I see “reality” and she doesn’t look like June Cleaver, rather than spiral down into condemnation, frustration, hopelessness, or discontentment, I pray God will help me to remember the more powerful reality: there is only One who is worthy of all glory, honor and praise, and He has made a way for me to be forgiven, set free, and live for His glory. Now that reality is beyond any of my wildest dreams!

*this is an adaptation from one of the first posts I wrote. I still have a fantasy version of myself. Today she is running 5 miles, homeschooling future dignitaries, baking her own bread, and decorating her home in the most stunning, yet frugal way. Reality is sitting here at the computer in a pink bathrobe, unmade bed, with all energy coming from a cup of coffee. Yes, I still need Jesus! :)

Help me make a little place to work

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Inspired by my friend Beth, the Sassy Domestic (extraordinaire), I’d like to make this little slice of my bedroom a space for me to study, plan, and write. Try to disregard the seasick green walls… I’ll deal with those this summer. I’d love for my beauty-minded gals to send ideas, links, photos for how to make it a place I want to be. And I’d love my common sense genius/ practical gals to help me think through what to put where.
Can you help a girl out?!
Thanks!!!

It’s Not in a Dream Come True

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The Lord was with Joseph, and he became a successful man. Gen. 39:2

The Lord was with Joseph and showed him steadfast love. Gen. 39:21

The Lord was with him, and whatever he did, the Lord made it succeed. Gen. 39:23

Joseph’s success in the midst of heart-break was not in the change of circumstances, because things kept getting worse. He went from prosperity in Potiphar’s house to Pit #2, a prison. Joseph’s success in the midst of heart-break was not in remembering the dream, there is no mention of the dreams at all. But here, three times, we see where Joseph has hope to endure, to persevere, to even succeed: God was with him. And I love that just as he is being cast into his second pit, scripture includes that God was not only with him, but was showing him His steadfast love. 

It would be easy to think that though Joseph found himself enduring trial after trial for years at a time, he didn’t feel the pain of it. We might just imagine him working hard, prospering in his various circumstances, floating along in a constant soothing revelation of the blessing and favor of God. So I’m glad that we get a small window into the reality of what Joseph endured in verses 51 and 52 of Genesis 41.

51 Joseph called the name of the firstborn Manasseh. “For,” he said, “God has made me forget all my hardship and all my father’s house.” 52 The name of the second he called Ephraim, “For God has made me fruitful in the land of my affliction.”

In his son Manasseh’s name we see that he did experience the hardship and pain of memories for years, but over time, God made him forget. In his son Ephraim’s name we see this land in Egypt was a land of affliction for Joseph, not a land of dreams come true in the Disney sense of the phrase. The pain was real. The heart ache was real. The memories of his home and family were real. But also real was the presence of God which made it possible not just to endure in a land of affliction, but to be fruitful. 

There were twelve or thirteen years between the dream and the fulfillment of the dream. On each day in between, and on every day after, Joseph’s hope was in the presence of God. This is our hope as well. Whether or not you find yourself at the pit-phase in your story, or in the daily grind of cleaning Potiphar’s house, God’s presence is what will sustain you and cause you to succeed. In particular, His steadfast love will fuel your service. I’ve been praying this morning for various individuals who are broken-hearted (which may be another way of saying they have a broken dream), not that God would be with them and show them His steadfast love, because this is already happening, but I pray that they would have eyes to see Him and hearts to feel His steadfast love. And that they too will one day look at an Ephraim in their life and say, “God has made me fruitful in the land of my affliction.”

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. -Psalm 34:18

 

Broken Dreams

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In the very chapter God gives him dreams, he’s sold into slavery. Joseph, the perhaps obnoxious 17 year old favorite son, has two dreams where he is represented in authority and his brothers are bowing to his authority.He makes the mistake of sharing the dreams with his brothers, and finds himself in the bottom of a pit. Things go from bad to worse when he is sold into slavery and brought to Egypt. So here, in reality, the exact opposite is happening to Joseph than what he had dreamed; rather than being elevated in standing, he is reduced to slavery. Don’t you wonder what he was thinking?

Have you ever had a God-given dream shattered by unexpected reality? It’s very painful and no one looks and says, “wow, I’m so sorry you are walking around with a broken dream.” It’s a unique kind of suffering that I think you have to experience in order to really understand. Maybe you hoped you’d be married by now. Maybe you’ve wanted babies, but haven’t been able to conceive thus far. Maybe you hoped for certain ministry opportunities that seem to have passed you by. Maybe the dreams you had on behalf of another have been shattered. You may have a wayward child, spouse, friend. Broken dreams can leave us in a dark pit, much like we find our young Joseph.

When I read about poor Joseph, I don’t typically grieve for him. You know why? I know the end of the story. I know that God, in His wisdom that is just so far above our wisdom, moved Joseph to Egypt, will place him in various key circumstances that will eventually lead to the preservation of the tribes of Israel, which is crucial because eventually, the Messiah will come from the line of Judah. I know that his dreams will become reality in chapters 42-45.

You may still be at the part in your story where you are sitting in the bottom of a pit wondering what on earth just happened to you. But Joseph’s story is for all of those walking around with a painful, broken dream. Joseph’s story reminds us that God not only knows the ending, He has written all of the twists and turns in between. His ways are not our ways. But think about it, would we want Joseph to dream one day, lead a normal life, then at some point – predictably, find his brothers bowing to him? How would that showcase the sovereign wisdom of God? How would it highlight His faithfulness, His ability to sustain? How would that have led to the heart wrenching truth being deeply engraved on Joseph’s heart when he says, “I am your brother, Joseph, whom you sold into Egypt. And now do not be distressed or angry with yourselves because you sold me here, for God sent me before you to preserve life…so it was not you who sent me here, but God…As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good.”

Isn’t that stunning?! It’s so beautiful. In those words a light beams into your pit of broken dreams. Your story isn’t over. Your God is the same God as Joseph’s, and one day you will see it was God who sent you to the land of broken dreams, for your good, for others’ good, and for His glory. And one day you will  even be grateful He did!

altar, tabernacle, temple, me

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Our church is using the E100 Bible reading program, and I’m really enjoying it! Yesterday we read God’s calling of Abram. There are so many significant moments in this relatively short passage of scripture, but the “take this with you today” point that stood out to me was when Abram built an altar after God had appeared to him.

Genesis 12:7 Then the Lord appeared to Abram and said, “To your offspring I will give this land.” So he built there an altar to the Lord, who had appeared to him.

Then I read in the ESV study Bible notes:

 They [altars] are a common feature of the patriarchal period because no central sanctuary existed before the exodus from Egypt. Before the construction of the tabernacle, God was not perceived as ordinarily dwelling on the earth. These altars are places where God may be encountered in worship.

As I read about this progression of man encountering God on earth, I couldn’t help but think about the sermon my husband preached on Sunday. Here we have Abram constructing a place where God may be encountered in worship. Eventually we will have a tabernacle that travels with the Israelites, followed with a temple envisioned by David and finished by Solomon… all of the places signifying God’s dwelling place, but access was utterly limited. Only a patriarch here and there encountered the presence of God. Only a high priest once a year and after making a bloody atonement could come anywhere near God. Sin had separated us from a holy God.

This makes the truth of Hebrews 4 so striking!

14 Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. 15 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. 16 Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

I thought about my own little life. Do I really believe I have access to God through the once and for all sacrifice  of our Great High Priest, Jesus? This means anytime, regardless of how badly I blew it, or how strong the temptation, I can run to the throne of grace and find mercy and grace in that time of need. Abram’s altar was near the oak of Moreh. My “altars” are in the kitchen, in the homeschool room, in the den, in the mini-van.

Lord, help me to remember to draw near to you, not just in the morning when I read your Word, but all day long as I try to walk in the good works you have prepared for me. Even more, help me to grow in understanding and appreciating just how amazing it is that I have access to You through Christ. Amen.

Baby Babel

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The E100 passage for today was Genesis 11:1-9. I’m sure you know the story, but I’ll recap just in case. The people on earth, who to this point all spoke one language and lived in one place, decided to build a tower to heaven for their own glory. God responded by confusing their language and this resulted in their dispersion throughout the earth. The tower was named Babel which in Hebrew means, “to confuse, to mix, to mingle.” (esv study, pg.69 notes). Here are a few thought I had as I read and meditated on this passage of scripture.

1.  vs. 5 “And the Lord came down to see the city and the tower, which the children of man had built.” What man thought would reach the heaven, God had to come down to see. I love when the Bible uses irony! Here is a little picture of the vastness of God and the smallness of man.

2. vs. 4 “Come, let us build ourselves a city and a tower with its top in the heavens, and let us make a name for ourselves…” This can be a visual depiction of self sufficiency and self-righteousness. Whenever I’m exerting my own effort and strength to reach God in heaven, I am really wanting to make a name for myself. This has very daily implications. Am I depending on God for the strength to do that which He has called me to today, or am I going about it in my own effort – driven by my pride and independence? Am I building my own little Babels today? I want to keep this image in my mind as I do the good works God has marked out for me today.

3. vs. 8 “So the Lord dispersed them from there over the face of all the earth, and they left off building the city.” I may be stepping into something deeper than I should here, but I’m thinking it was good for man to be dispersed and establish different languages, different cultures, different customs to broaden the worship of God, to show forth His glory even more on the earth. He is so worthy of praise, one language just isn’t enough. The worship of God expressed in one culture isn’t enough. He is so vast, it makes sense that He would be praised in a variety of languages and cultural expressions.

4. Thankfully, God came down to earth again in the form of Jesus Christ who set us free from our feeble attempts to get ourselves to heaven on our own efforts, or build little monuments to our own glory. Because of this, those who believe will one day join our voices with the angels and creation. We will one day speak the same language again, but this time it will be to build a monument of praise to the One who is worthy, Jesus Christ!

Then I looked, and I heard around the throne and the living creatures and the elders the voice of many angels, numbering myriads of myriads and thousands of thousands, saying with a loud voice, “Worthy is the Lamb who was slain, to receive power and wealth and wisdom and might and honor and glory and blessing!” And I heard every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and in the seas, and all that is in them, saying, “To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb be blessing and honor and glor and might forever and ever!” And the four living creatures said, “Amen!” and the elders fell down and worshiped. Revelation 5:11-14