Case of the Missing Post

A couple of weeks ago I re-posted an article about humility and housework. After I posted it, I received a comment that started me thinking that perhaps in my attempt to be specific regarding examples from my own life, I may have inadvertently placed a stumbling block to those who would read it. I decided to delete it until I had time to “fix” it.  So, I have re-posted this for the third time with an addendum to clarify for the benefit of others who are reading (follow the floating asterisk).

“Humility in Scripture does not mean pretending to be worthless and refusing positions of responsibility, but knowing and keeping the place God has appointed for one. Being humble is a matter of accepting God’s arrangement, whether it means the high exposure of leadership, or the obscurity of being a servant.” –The Reformation Study Bible pg. 1519 in “The Humble Obedience of Christ”

I know that the place God has called me to is my home. It is indeed primarily a role of obscure servant-hood. I don’t think I ever connected my obedience to God through His calling me as a helper to my husband, a lover of my children, and a worker in my home as an expression of humility. Conversely, I have never associated my lack of keeping the place God has called me to a source of pride. Laziness…yes. Selfishness…yes. But pride?

One manifestation of pride is me seeking to elevate my will above God’s will. This happens primarily in the so-called minutia of life. It is expressed in things like napping when I have laundry to do. It’s in wasting money on fast food when my husband told me we need to stick to the budget. It’s in threatening and repeating myself to my kids rather than lovingly bringing biblical correction. It’s in skipping Math today because I would rather go to Target.*

What is the solution to my pitiful pride? How do I joyfully get on the path of humility right here and now in the minutia of life? I confess my pride, seek forgiveness for my sin and then fix my gaze to the ultimate example of humility: Jesus.

“In His humiliation, He left behind the eternal glory that was His, taking on a perfect and complete human nature: body, soul, spirit. Through His incarnation He lived a life of poverty and suffering. He was rejected by His nation, finally to die the shameful death of a common criminal.” –RSB pg. 1519 “The Humble Obedience of Christ”

Jesus humbled Himself to become a man, live a perfect life – completely conformed to the will of the Father, and then die on a cross suffering the wrath that my sins deserve. And now, because of His humility, I can have grace to conform to the will of the Father as well. Even now, when I get up from the computer and commence the day’s activities, I want to keep the Savior’s example before me.

It’s time to make the beds!

(originally posted November, 2005)

*These examples are ways that pride is manifested in my own life. They would not be examples of pride in everyone’s life. Indeed, for some, taking a nap would be more of an expression of humility – sometimes rest is needed more than housework. For some setting aside a to-do list, a need to get it all done and enjoy an outing with the kids is the greater expression of humility. That just isn’t typically my personal pattern. To be honest the more I live life, the more I realize that for every look at myself and the way pride is manifested; I need to take ten looks to my Savior and His perfect expression of humility in obeying His Father’s will even to the point of death on a cross. What a Savior!

Ohio Update

Donna asked for an update on how things are going here in Ohio. I thought I’d share two types of grace we are experiencing: the grace that is obvious and the grace that is uncomfortable, but grace none the less.

Obvious Evidences of Grace:

1. We are really loving the area. Some places I love are: the Home Goods store, World Market, Root Candle (Medina is so great, I can’t wait to explore it more), old huge houses in Akron with their beautiful and varied architecture, Summit Mall, Sonnets Coffee Shop, Crave (a great restaurant), The Mustard Seed (more for the restaurant upstairs), and so much more. We can’t wait for the warmer weather so we can explore parks and other places.

2.  Jason is doing a great job as a senior pastor. Okay, I know I’m biased. He is doing so well preaching every week. We are currently in the book of Philippians. For the short term he has narrowed his focus to Sunday mornings (worship, preaching, greeting guests, children’s church, etc.), care for/equipping current leaders, and raising up new leaders. We had our first official care group leaders’ care group earlier this month. These are quality folks that I can’t wait to get to know. Jason is leading two groups for leadership development. Both groups are well attended by a variety of age groups. It is such a blessing to see in many cases Dads and their college-age sons participating together in this first module.  They are using Living the Cross Centered Life by C.J. Mahaney as their guide.

3.  We are getting to know and love the fine folks of Covenant of Grace Church. We feel so loved and supported. People are amazingly responsive to Jason’s leadership. What a huge blessing!  We are truly overwhelmed by the greeting we have received here.  We have been invited to lunch or dinner numerous times, have a lot of hospitality in our own home, and connect as much as possible while we are at church functions. I am enjoying getting to know Marcia Walter along with a few other ladies who have taken the time to befriend me.

4.   The gospel is more dear to our family than ever. This could be a whole post really. In essence, Jason and I are confronted with being called to something completely beyond our ability. We realize that there are no resources or gifts or previous experiences that will get the job done here. Whether it’s Jason learning to preach week after week, or me trying to keep home fires burning when I’m feeling emotionally drained, we simply do not have it within us to do the job. That’s why the gospel is growing more and more precious. When I stumble and fall into the sin of self pity, unbelief, selfishness, pride, fear of man, I find the cleansing water and blood of Jesus such a relief and comfort. When we find ourselves lacking wisdom or insight into a ministry situation or a parenting situation, we find the gift of the Holy Spirit at work to provide the wisdom we need. When we find ourselves physically weak, we find the strength from God available only because of the work of our Savior. We seem to be confronted more often with the truth that we have a treasure residing in us, the earthen vessel. The earthen-ness is more obvious, but so is the treasure.

Uncomfortable Grace

1. We miss our friends, family, and church in MD.  My eyes fill with tears just typing this. Yet I see grace in that this little bit of suffering has served to soften me. I am not a compassionate woman, but I truly want to be. My lack of compassion is due to I’m sure a number of things, but one is that I have had such an easy life. Whether this would be hard for others, I do not know, but it is extremely hard for me.  I also see grace in that my family in MD is bonding differently from if we were still there. Our kids were the middle, the connectors between Karyn’s (my older sister) and Jimmy’s (my younger brother). Removing us has created more opportunities for my big niece and nephew to bond with my little niece and nephew.

2.  Two of my children are having a really hard time with the relocation. I wasn’t prepared for how hard my younger two would take our move. This is God’s grace because in my son we are seeing a precious loyalty that we knew was there but had no idea to what extent. Several times my son has come into our room late at night not able to sleep, crying because he keeps thinking about how much he misses his cousins. He misses his old church. He misses his buddy Tim. This is so painful for me as a mom, yet I firmly believe that this will be a pivotal time in Izzy’s life, and pray that we will steward the opportunity to show him how precious the gospel is, how worthy God is of our obedience to follow Him wherever He leads, and more. My daughter is responding differently. She isn’t able to articulate her feelings of disorientation, etc. so instead, I find she is acting out, being more willful. It’s hard to know what is related to the move and what is just a season of her needing more correction, but either way it is God’s grace to reveal it to us while she is so young. He is graciously providing many opportunities for my girlie to see that she is a sinner in need of a Savior.

So that’s the very abbreviated version of how we’re doing here in Ohio. We covet your prayers for our family, particularly my children.

Happy Easter!

Latest Cakes

  This is Jason’s cake. His birthday was Saturday, the Ides of March. It is supposed to be the COG cross (I thought appropriate for this first birthday in Ohio) . When I asked him what he thought it was he said, ” X marks the spot?”. Can’t blame him, it wasn’t exactly obvious. This was my first official try at using chocolate plastique to cover a cake (I thought it was appropriately manly), and I will say that it tastes WAY better than fondant, and was pretty easy to use considering it was my first real try. I also used ganache for a filling, and it is fast becoming my filling of choice. So yummy!!!

This is the cake I made for Jeana’s pink poodle party. (Yeah, I need to work on my handwriting.) Jeana is officially a big sister now. Her baby brother, Danny, was born last week! Congrats, Jenny…can’t wait to see him.

Drill Time

When we first began homeschooling I discovered that if I put information on a flash card of sorts, the kids memorized the information better. This was true for math facts, obviously, but also for vocabulary work, some history and science information, and most recently, forms of the verb “be” along with the helping verb list. In addition to math facts for Maggie I use cards for various sight words I discovered in a list in this (very helpful if you don’t know what you’re doing) book.

At first I would try to begin Math with a drill. I would begin English with the vocab drill. And so on. Well, if the kids were working at different paces, the drill would just get dropped. So the last two years we have incorporated about 15-20 minutes a day we call “drill time”. During drill time we all do ALL of the drill subjects together. Maggie’s cards are separate, but she still answers her card in turn.

In order to make life a little more exciting, the boys came up with a fun way to do drill time. If they give the proper answer for the card, they run and tag the front door and run back. They do this relay style and slap hands with the next “answerer” in line. This is good for our family because after twenty minutes of running back and forth, a little bit of that pent up-winter energy is spent. Warning: this isn’t necessarily the safest activity….especially if the kids are in sock-feet on a hard wood floor. We do have wipe outs periodically, but nothing that has kept them from getting up and going again.

Side Note: I love triangle flash cards for math (one set for addition and subtraction; one set for multiplication and division) because it helps them learn the number families. You cover the top number for addition, one of the bottom corners for subtraction (same approach for multiplication and division). I also like that I only have two sets of cards for all four types of facts.

How do you get your kids to memorize information? I’d love some fresh ideas!

Happy Homeschooling

It’s that time of year when homeschooling starts limping it’s way towards the end of the year. This is not good because we have a long year ahead of us due to our relocation. (We will be schooling through July at this rate…don’t tell my kiddos ). I am trying to add a little creativity to jump start our homeschool motor, and I thought I’d pass along a few things that are working or have worked. I would looooooove if you would fill the comment box (or write a post) on your own methods for keeping homeschool happy.

Pick a Card, Any Card. I have used this from time to time over the last few years and for whatever reason it adds fresh “fun” into our homeschooling. First, write each subject on an index card. I also include a 15 minute break, chores, and silly stuff like: make a funny face, bark like a dog, get up and boogie, etc. Each child chooses a card and that’s what he/she works on. They are allowed to put their break card back if they aren’t ready for it yet.

The kids love the randomness of it. I love that they are freshly motivated to do school. There are certain subjects that we do together, so I finish the day with those subjects. I am actually discovering that it is a good thing to not be doing math at the same time because I am not spending an hour jumping from kid to kid answering questions. It also seems to have helped all of us see that the boys can be more independent than I thought. Oh, and I don’t do this all of the time. I just do it for a few days here or there. Otherwise it will lose it’s novelty.

Next time I’ll tell you about another way I use index cards.

What is one of your “jump-start” homeschooling strategies? (even if you haven’t home schooled, can you think of something?)

The Boys’ First Cavs Game

God blessed the guys in our family with four tickets to the Cleveland Cavs game. My boys were so excited to see their first ever pro-basketball game. Their enthusiasm was only topped by their daddy’s. They had amazing seats. Not only amazing because they were row 8 seat #1, 2, 3, and 4, but also because seated in seats 5 and 6 were (and this is just so incredibly the sovereignty of God) a couple who live in our neighborhood. What are the chances of Jason going to Cleveland (45 minutes away) and sitting of all places in seats right next to a couple not only from Wadsworth, but literally from down the street. The couple was very friendly, know everyone in the neighborhood, and the husband even invited Jason to hang with a few of his friends for the opening game of March madness. Isn’t God good?!

The Lost Boys: One Mom’s Mission Field

I recently wrote about how my primary application for furthering the gospel would take place in the home. God has given me, it seems, a little mission field in our neighborhood that goes beyond my four children. There are an uncanny number of boys in this neighborhood. They all happen to have a passion for playing football. Our yard happens to be the best suited for football. Because of this, there are many days when I have a group of boys ranging from 9 years old to about 13 in my yard tackling each other. My boys, who happen to love football, make up a good sized chunk of this group. Is this a coincidence? I don’t think so.

This is new territory for us. Until now, my boys rarely interacted with the neighborhood kids. The two year old girl next door hardly held their interest, and the two kids across the street rarely came outside. I admit, I have been grateful to not have to deal with unbelievers and their potential harmful influence on my children. But when we came to Ohio we did it for the sake of the gospel, and Jason and I agree that this includes the opportunities he provides with families in our neighborhood.

So far, we are navigating our approach to the neighborhood kids very slowly, deliberately, cautiously. I’d love to get your feedback on what I’m about to write. Here are a few thoughts on our attempt to reach the lost boys.

1. Strength in numbers. Our boys aren’t allowed to go outside alone. They have to stick together. We find that this is the best form of accountability for them. If one of them acts in a way that is unbecoming to the gospel, the other two let me know. If one of them is trying to be cool to fit in, the other two let us know. If one of them is a poor sport, the other two let us know. Between the three of them, we get a thorough “debrief” on what happened that day playing ball.

2. On our turf. We haven’t let the boys venture out of our yard. It hasn’t become awkward yet, the fact that they aren’t ever allowed to go to their buddies’ houses, but I expect it to. I’m not really sure what the best way to address this with other parents without being offensive, but we really don’t want the boys going into other boys’ houses at this point. My main strategy is to make our house the funnest house on the block. Any ideas for how this might happen? Jason tells me to keep making chocolate chip cookies, hot cocoa, etc. I want my house to be the Kool Aid mom’s house.

3. Spy Mom. When my boys have one of the neighborhood boys over, I play the role of the spy mom. I am always within earshot to be sure that the conversation doesn’t go to inappropriate topics. Also, if the boys stop playing football and are standing around chatting I make my presence known in some way. Gotta love boys though, they aren’t generally chit chatting, they are pummeling each other into the ground. Much easier to deal with in my opinion.

4. The Mouth. I have a “mouth” in the family. You know this kid. He’s the one who gets the most spankings because what he thinks comes straight out of his mouth. But the same “mouth” has no trouble asking each boy if they are a Christian and getting the general down-low. The very first football game Mouth discovered (between plays): one boy was a Christian, and believed that Jesus died on the cross for his sins but doesn’t go to church; that same boy’s mom is a Christian, but his dad is in a band that sings songs with cuss words in it; one boy’s parents are divorced and he is only here during the week and every other weekend; one boy is Muslim and doesn’t care if his words please God or not; etc. My Mouth has no problem sharing the gospel with his friends, inviting them to church, informing the boys of language not allowed in our yard (usually it’s taking the Lord’s name in vain), telling me exactly what went down on the ball field. There was one time when he came to dinner and announced, “Gay doesn’t always mean happy, does it, Mom? And queer doesn’t always mean odd.” (I always told him gay meant happy; queer meant odd). Well, one of the lost boys told my little guys that gay means when a man loves a man instead of a woman, and queer means gay. This was scary at first. I had feared moments like this, but honestly the fact that Mouth and his brothers felt perfectly comfortable telling us about it was a good thing and Jason was able to walk all of the boys through it. Gotta love Mouth. I don’t think we could do this without him.

5. Reminding my boys of their commission. I try to make a point to tell the boys every time they go outside that they are representing Christ. Jason and I have discussions with them explaining that these neighborhood boys do not have the grace in their lives to be genuinely kind, humble in sportsmanship, etc. We remind them that they (our sons) are sinners too, but they have a Savior who forgives them and grants them grace to obey Him and honor Him. We are finding that their tendency so far is not so much to be tempted to act worldly, it is more to be self-righteous, so that influences how we talk about poor sportsmanship that permeates the football field.

6. Fresh Commitment to Adorn the Gospel through biblical womanhood. It is so easy to forget that my pursuit of biblical womanhood particularly in response to Titus 2, is to put the gospel on display for any unbelievers with whom I may come in contact. So pursing biblical womanhood is my primary strategy to “witness” to these lost boys. I want them to see something different at my house: the affect of the gospel on a Mom saved by grace. I am hoping that these lost boys are an inroad for me to befriend their mothers. I am re-reading Feminine Appeal for inspiration. I found a quote today humbling and inspiring:

Can you conceive of anything that sets forth the beauty of the gospel jewel more brilliantly than the godly behavior of those who have received it? Consider the loveliness of a woman who passionately adores her husband, who tenderly cherishes her children, who creates a warm and peaceful home, who exemplifies purity, self-control, and kindness in her character and who gladly submits to her husband’s leadership – for all the days God grants her life. I dare say there are few things that display the gospel jewel with greater elegance. This is true feminine appeal. – Carolyn Mahaney, pg. 21 (from Feminine Appeal)

So far, we had one little boy spend the night last week so that he could come to church with us. He wants to keep coming to church. Another boy, the first boy’s cousin, also wants to come to church. Please pray for us and pray for these little boys. We know that bad company corrupts good morals, and our children’s well-being is our first concern. We also want the boys primary relationships to always be with other believers, particularly from our church. But we also see that God has sovereignly placed a group of little boys who are dead in their sins literally in my back yard. We are here, even our children, to proclaim the glorious Gospel of Jesus Christ. Any thoughts?

Reyes Family House Tour Part 1

Update:  Hey gang. I cleaned up my you tube videos, but if you want to see my house, email me and I’ll send you  some pics. We are still amazed everyday to live in a home like this that cost less than a small townhouse in MD.

This is for my MD home-girls who have asked for pics of the new home .

This is slightly obnoxious to watch because: first, it is loud and noisy (but I wanted to record a slice of life for posterity’s sake) and second, the video quality is really poor so it is dark and hard to see. I will try to do Part 2 during the day time and see if it helps.

Principle Over Practice*

One prays diligently up to two hours a day.
Another has family devotions promptly at 8:30 a.m.
Then there’s the mom who walks every day with one child in a backpack, two in a double jogging stroller.
Still another makes home-made donuts with her daughters every time it snows.
One clever woman buys pizza dough from her local pizzeria and makes her own pizzas at home to save money.
Then there is the one who keeps a budget so detailed that she even factors in the soda her husband enjoys drinking each week.
Another has taught her children to do laundry (did I mention they are 7 and 6?).

A certain phenomenon happens when I hear about things my godly friends are doing: what I never would have thought to feel guilt over, I suddenly have a nagging little voice that says, “That is a good thing she’s doing. I should be doing that thing. I am not doing that thing. I feel guilt because I am not doing that good thing.”

Before I continue, I need to make two things very clear. First, the women who do these amazing things do it humbly, not boasting about their practices. They are not the voice saying, “you need to do this, Laurie.” Second, I love to hear practical ideas of how to better serve my family. It is important to glean from others’ strengths. God uses the practices of others to inspire me and challenge me, and perhaps most important of all – humble me.

But with that said, I am grateful for a teaching I heard by a woman named Jenny Detwiler that helped me understand the difference between principle and practice. This has saved me from unnecessary guilt over things that really aren’t sin. Each of these ladies is expressing her commitment to biblical priorities through a practice that she has the grace to do given her gifting, capacity, and season of life. The principles might be communing with God through prayer, exercising to be strong for the task God has called us to, showing kindness to our families, being wise in money management, raising up children in the way they should go, etc. These are biblical principles that we are all called to, but they will find expression in a variety of ways…not all suitable to me or my family.

Jenny also suggests frequently re-evaluating your practices to be sure they are still appropriate for your season and situation. She also suggests trusting your husband’s leadership. What does he think are appropriate practices that would serve him and the children?

It has been so helpful to be freed from the subtle guilt that comes from elevating a practice over a principle.

*originally posted February, 2005