Sole Survivor

We have an official winner of the Survivor: Hermit Crab Edition. It was official last Wednesday that Hulky won, outliving Pinky, Spidey, and Batman. After twelve months of rigorous play, and six months of utter neglect, Hulky remains the sole survivor.

In a previous post I sang the praises of my gifted family members, while humbly not calling attention to my own special gifting. Well, I can keep silent no longer. It seems my gift would be the ability to keep small creatures alive for long periods of time. This gift was first uncovered when my sister gave us a beta fish known to us as Elijah Bluefish. Karyn’s fish lasted the traditional month or two. My fish lasted three years! Three years of cleaning a fish bowl and feeding a creature I never wanted in the first place. My mother, as you know, graciously gave my children hermit crabs. Karyn’s lived a traditional one to two months, mine lived two years (and that’s not counting how long they were alive at the pet store before we got them), and Hulky is still going strong.

Well, now that I look at the preceding paragraph, I humbly realize that maybe I’m not so gifted at keeping small creatures alive, it’s really that Karyn (to whom I have been comparing my abilities all along) has a knack at killing them. Don’t tell her I said so.

Built-in Blessings of Motherhood

Built into the ministry of motherhood is the opportunity to experience with uncanny regularity the truth of Matthew 25:34-36

34 Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, 36 I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’

On this day I will feed five other hungry mouths, fill cups numerous times, bathe and clothe at least one little body (while supervising closely the self-bathing and clothing of three other little bodies). I will care for them if they are sick, or even just bang their head, or pinky toe (as Caleb has done three times in two days!).

How kind that God provides opportunities to live this verse all day long. No, I’m not headed to soup kitchen this morning. No, I’m not collecting clothing for the local crisis pregnancy center. I’m not going to visit cancer patients at the local children’s hospital, or sharing the gospel up at the detention center for women. These are the images that normally come to mind when I read this passage of scripture. These are also things I would love to be doing, and Lord willing, someday, I will be able to do some of them. But today, I am going to try to remember when I pour that cup of juice watered down, or spread cream cheese on a bagel, slide a pink cotton dress over a precious little head, or tape a pinky toe to its neighbor, that I am not just doing it for my children. Somehow, in the amazing grace and mercy of God, He receives these things as if I were doing them for Him! Thank you God, for this amazing season of life, and all of the blessings You have built into it!

Jason is My Refuge and Strength

…a very present help in time of trouble? Isn’t that absolutely blasphemous?! Yet I had a lightbulb moment at the conference. This is functionally how I live my life at times. Warren Boettcher was teaching the ladies about having a gentle, quiet spirit. One of the illustrations he gave was about his wife. He shared, with her permission, about a time when she went to a youth retreat ahead of him. The whole time while he was gone she was ministering and had so much faith. As soon as he arrived she began to fill him in on her concerns and troubles. This wasn’t helpful to him. She realized at that moment that she had shifted her trust in God which enabled her to minister before her husband arrived, to looking to her husband to solve her problems. “ding”! A light bulb.

I see patterns of the same thing in my life. I can go all day long serving in the home without Jason being here. I do it by God’s grace either consciously or unconsciously. But, when Jason comes home I at times functionally turn to him to be my refuge. I want him to protect me from the “heat” children can bring. I want him to be my “help” when it comes to dealing with the kids. I want him to be my strength in weakness.

I am married to a unique man. Brace yourself. He wouldn’t wade through a mess to get to the next room. He would pick it up. He would not hurdle folded clothes, he would put them away. I can’t fathom him not putting the trash out, or leaving the yard unmowed. He serves our family heroically. He doesn’t go to the “cave” so to speak, after a long day of work, but generally spends time with the children so I can finish dinner. He sometimes sends me upstairs to take a bath after dinner if it has been a particularly hard day. All of these things are such a blessing, yet I can twist them into expectations, and then be disappointed if he gets home late, or has more nights out than usual, or simply chooses to walk me through the heat rather than shield me from it (his lightbulb moment from the last marriage retreat).

Last year, Jason went to Uganda for 12 days. I missed him horribly, but felt amazing grace to do what needed to be done, alone. I know these were unique circumstances, but it proves to me just how great is the strength, help, and grace of God. If it was sufficient for those twelve days, it is certainly sufficient for the rest of this day.

Don’t hear what I’m not saying, I believe Jason is glorifying God when he seeks to love me as Christ loved the church. I am the one who can get confused and begin expecting him to do what no man is able to: be my functional Savior.

Psalm 46:1 God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

Ahhhh…much better!

War of the Reyes’

Don’t worry, Jason and I are getting along fine. But there is a war going on here in the Reyes household. At the regional marriage conference we recently attended with the other churches under Dave Harvey’s leadership, we learned from Paul Tripp that marriage is war. I’ll be brief. It is crucial to know that we are at war. The war is between the kingdom of self and the Kingdom of God. This war is fought in the mundane moments of our lives, not in grand gestures and one time surrenders. “What rules the mundane rules you.” The kingdom of God means living my life for another. This is ministry. This is possible in our marriage, because Jesus came into the world to save us from our sin and free us to genuinely love our spouses as He has loved us. I obviously cannot do this teaching justice. If you can find the teaching, which I’m sure will be available soon, get it!
It was helpful even just to read this text with marriage in mind.

Galatians 5:13-17
13 For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. 14 For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” 15 But if you bite and devour one another, watch out that you are not consumed by one another.16 But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. 17 For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do.

When It Doesn’t Come Naturally

Isn’t God kind to endow various gifts to people? I am related to exceptionally gifted women. My mother is highly administrative. The women’s ministry at Chesapeake amazing, complete with weekly Bible Study (child care provided), quarterly ladies meeting (food provided), amazing ladies retreat every other year, and the Christmas Breakfast which draws more unbelievers than any other church event. My mom’s gift of vision and administrative ability is a distinct means of grace to the ladies at Chesapeake. My sister, Karyn, is an amazing interior designer. She has such a gift of making things beautiful. Anytime she stays at my house to watch the kids, when I come home, it is “re-accessorized”. It’s amazing what she can do by just clustering this, or shifting that. My sister-in-law Abby, is the voice of songs such as Everlasting, Jesus, My Only Hope, and many more on the Sovereign Grace worship cd’s. Her voice is more than beautiful, it is anointed! My sister in law Emily is a great writer. In particular, she writes skits. I am amazed at her creativity, humor, and depth revealed in each and every skit she writes. Again, it goes beyond talent to something anointed by God. My mother in law, Debbie, is a gifted choir director. She directed the Christmas Cantata this year, and her grace and musicality, combined with love for worship made for a powerful performance.

I love seeing God use different people’s gifts to bless the church, but lately I have been thinking about what happens when God calls us to something that we are not naturally gifted in. It was triggered by a post by Carolyn McCulley. Carolyn was answering a question someone asked about counsel for introverts who want to grow in hospitality. Carolyn wisely answered beginning with the following:

I hope it encourages you to know this, but some of the best people I know at drawing others out are actually introverts. They’ve submitted themselves to the sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit, so there is a Spirit-controlled aspect to their natural personality, if you will.

Somehow, Carolyn’s comment has resonated with me ever since. There are some areas where God has given a measure of gifting or capacity and those things feel natural to me. There are many other areas, however, that don’t feel like such a good fit. For example, I am not naturally gifted in home management. But I have seen how by submitting to the Sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit (not always a pretty picture, I assure you) there is to the glory of God alone, growth in this area.

Seeing how God can work through the Holy Spirit to cause ability beyond what is natural gives me faith to step out where I might have feared to tread before. It also helps me to want to submit more to the Holy Spirit’s work, instead of wish I were naturally a little more cut out for certain things. Gifts given by God do most definitely glorify God – my family is a constant display of this truth. But it is beautiful in a different way to see ladies walking with “a Spirit-controlled aspect to their natural personality,” like when someone who doesn’t feel comfortable cooking brings a meal to a new mom; or when a shy caregroup leader’s wife leads her growth group; when a “comfortable behind-the-scenes pastor’s wife” gives a teaching (mom); or when a more “spontaneous” lady submits to the routine of housework; when a night owl learns to rise early for devotions, or a non-reader makes it through the Bible – what beauty!

“The Lord God helps me, therefore I have not been disgraced; therefore I have set my face like a flint, and I know that I shall not be put to shame.” Isaiah 50:7

Comparison Kills Contentment

The categories can range from physical appearance, house, and husband to gifting, maturity and sphere of ministry. From the material to the immaterial, the temptation to compare ourselves to one another as women can be a hard one to avoid. The blogosphere has given even more opportunity as we are not only aware of what the ladies in our immediate area are doing, we are aware of what some gal in Wisconsin, Texas, or Idaho is also doing. One thing blogging has revealed to me is just how many of me are out there. And not just that they are “me” in the sense that they are moms who enjoy writing, but in many cases they are a much better version of “me”. Some excel in humor. Some are thriving homeschool moms. Some seem to be gourmet cooks. Some are avid readers. Others are insightful, and offer profound biblical truth. By and large I find that hearing how other women are seeking to apply the principles of biblical womanhood very encouraging. I love knowing that God is being glorified in homes all over the world as ordinary women live quiet and humble lives serving their families. It inspires me to follow them as they follow Christ. But what happens when I sinfully compare myself and my “lot” with those around me?

Comparison kills contentment? Not exactly. It is a catchy phrase though, and for me it is helpful in the moment. But my pride is what really kills contentment. It is revealed in thinking I deserve better than what I have. It is revealed in a lack of gratitude for the grace and blessings God has given me. It is revealed in not being humble enough to learn from others rather than resent their maturity or gifting. It is revealed in thinking that I should be able to choose the circumstances in which I am to glorify God.

Charles Spurgeon wrote the following helpful encouragement from today’s reading from Morning and Evening:

“The capacity of our wishes who can measure? but the immeasurable wealth of God can more than overflow it. I ask thee if thou art not complete when God is thine? Dost thou want anything but God? Is not His all-sufficiency enough to satisfy thee if all else should fail?… Dwell in the light of thy Lord, and let thy soul be always ravished with His love. Get out the marrow and fatness which this portion yields thee.”

Content = satisfied. God’s Word is so abundant with verses on where we are to find our satisfaction. Psalm 90:14 is one of my favorite: “Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love, that we may rejoice and be glad all our days.” It is wonderful that God’s love is what brings satisfaction, not my performance, appearance, or circumstances. And His love demonstrated in sending Jesus to die on the cross, suffering the wrath that Ideserve, so that I may indeed, be loved with the love the Father has for the Son is staggering truth that makes it very difficult to look at others, and say “I wish I had her…”

By the way, the phrase Comparison Kills Contentment is not original. I heard it on the Christian radio station a few years back, and though the phrase stuck, the speaker’s name didn’t. If anyone knows who he is, please let me know so I can give him due credit.

Small Beginnings

The Reyes family dinner table has evolved over the years. When the twins were newborns, I was amazed at how these normally content babies timed their cries with the first bite of dinner. No sooner did we sit down to eat when somebody needed our attention. To this day I attribute my speed eating ability to this phase in their lives. Then there was the period when the boys decided they wouldn’t eat vegetables anymore. Dinner became an unpleasant festival of the wills, so to speak. As they grew older, the family dinner resembled a marathon of “eat as fast as possible” so we can get back to moving around. It was so hard for these little guys to sit still to eat.

Growing up in the Cannon household, one of my favorite memories of home was family dinner. We all love to communicate, so dinner was a wonderful time of discussion, debate, laughter, and real family bonding. I have always been persuaded about the importance of family dinner. Now that the boys are older, eating vegetables, and growing in self-control, Jason and I are trying to use dinner-time intentionally in the building of our family. Jason is leading the family in our New Year’s resolution to grow in gratitude this year, so at the table we aim to stimulate conversation around what blessings we are grateful for today. He has also begun reading the book, Training Hearts, Teaching Minds after we eat.

So we started our more intential approach to family dinner this past week. God kindly provided help through His Word. I read in Ezra 3 that when the people rebuilt the foundation of the new temple, there were two reactions: one group rejoiced, worshiped, shouted for joy; the other group wept, wailed, and mourned. The notes in my Bible make the following comments: The tears of the older members of the community were not tears of joy, but tears of disappointment because of the contrast between this small beginning, and the splendor of Solomon’s temple. (3:12)”

What does this have to do with the Reyes’ family dinner? I have to ask myself if I rejoice in small beginnings, or lament the fact that our family dinners aren’t like the ones I grew up with. There is so much to rejoice and be grateful in. Yes, it is a small beginning – we aren’t talking of the deep things of God yet. We do have to teach our boys how to think beyond, “I’m grateful for my toys” to see how God has interacted with them on this particular day. We do have to say repeatedly, “sit down, please,” “say excuse me,” “stop playing with your food.” It might not look like my mom’s dinner table, but we are following in my parent’s footsteps: building, by God’s grace, brick by brick, a family that will one day be monument to the glory of God. I want to rejoice in this small beginning.

Ezra 3:11 And they sang responsively, praising and giving thanks to the Lord, “for He is good,for His steadfast love endures forever toward Israel.”
And all the people shouted with a great shout when they praised the Lord, because the foundation of the house of the Lord was laid.

What small beginning are you rejoicing in today?

Celebration of Minutia

I was trying to think of something profound to post, but, nah, that ain’t happenin’!(If you’re looking for profound, go here). Instead, I find myself compelled to celebrate a bit of minutia. After all, it’s the stuff my life is primarily composed of. All of you who admitted to enjoying being alone at Wal Mart on a Friday night can probably relate. Today’s celebration of minutia is this: Aldi is adding a fresh meat section around January 9th! I almost did a little dance at the checkout counter today. What is Aldi you may ask? It is how I can feed three boys with humongous appetites without getting a job to support the food bill. It’s meat for less than $2 per pound. It’s yogurt, cereal, graham crackers, granola bars, and fruit (the kid food Mecca, if you will)…for prices so low it’s almost fun to go grocery shopping.  The only thing I didn’t like about it was the limited selection of flash frozen meat. Not anymore! In the place that used to have bread for $.39 a loaf, there are beautiful meat refrigerators just waiting to be stocked.

Another thing about Aldi – you don’t go to Aldi, you do Aldi. It begins with the necessary preparations: one quarter, a bunch of blue bags, a Starbucks to help you keep up with the checkout girl. You take your quarter, give it to whichever kid’s turn it is to put it in the slot, and remove your shopping cart. Each child proceeds through the doors on a mission to collect as many empty boxes as possible while we shop. We go through the aisles, a force to be reckoned with as the boys have each collected at least thirteen cardboard boxes. We load a whole cart with food. We proceed to checkout. The lady and I give each other the eye of the tiger: who will be victorious? She seeks to scan all of my food items as fast as possible. No one is allowed to bag as they go, so I must think fast, “which items are bulky and durable enough to get tossed to the bottom of the cart, which would get crushed?”  I have yet to load quickly enough to be waiting for her to scan the next item…it is one of my New Year’s resolutions, though. I finish loading my food into the basket. If I haven’t broken a sweat, I know I wasn’t really trying my hardest. We use the boxes and blue bags from home, to put the groceries in (bags aren’t included; you either find boxes, bring your own, or pay for bags). We return the cart – next kid gets to retrieve the coin. We head home.

One confession I must make. I feel compelled to share this with you in order to help you not make the same mistake. I sent my husband to Aldi once. Okay, I know, horrors! How could I send an unsuspecting guy into a store like Aldi? He was quarterless, bagless, and didn’t know that you couldn’t sort at the checkout counter. People in the line behind him were not friendly…they were like, “Hey, if you don’t know how to do Aldi; you got no business being here buddy.” It was sad. So, please, learn from my mistake. Do not send your man to Aldi to pick up milk and toilet paper.

Those of you from Chesapeake, I’ll meet you in the meat section January9. Maybe we should consider starting a little playgroup there. It’s the one place I can always count on seeing one of my mom friends.

So there it is, a celebration of minutia – Aldi, good food cheap, and fresh chicken coming soon. What bit of minutia are you celebrating today?

I Love New

I love new. There is something so clean and pure and appealing about newness. I love the stiff binding on a new journal; I love a new blank, ink-free page. I love morning. I love the emerging of the next season; the beginning of the school year, the start of a new book. I love new styles in fashion, and new shoes and new purses. I love new templates, new ideas, and new friends. I love new foods and new restaurants. And I absolutely love New Year’s Day.

Ahhhh, the commencement of a new year is upon us. With it are the accompanying events: the Granola Bowl (my husband was mud encrusted, smelly, and happier than you can imagine playing football in the rain); the New Year’s Eve karaoke party at the Young’s (at which, thanks to my parents who never let me listen to any secular music -a fact I am usually grateful for, I could only sing a few songs from the 80’s that I heard at the community pool…lovely, to be sure – of all time periods to know music from…but, I digress); and finally last but not least (drum roll, please) the New Year’s resolutions!

Something not so new: my love/hate relationship with the New Year’s resolutions. I love to harness the energy and incentive that comes with the fresh new year, and therefore, set numerous goals to achieve within that year. But, I also have had the unpleasant experience of not keeping resolutions within weeks, maybe even days of making them. This year I realized that both my love and my hate (slightly overstated for effect…more like a frustrations with) for resolutions can be rooted in pride…my old enemy.

If I make a resolution to do many things, pride can be revealed in the fact that I am overestimating what I am capable of. It very well could also reveal self-sufficiency as I muster up the energy to change. Could it even be worldly to use one day of the year to resolve what should be perhaps, a daily process for me as a Christian? On the other hand, if I avoid making resolutions, pride can manifest itself in the fact that I don’t want to fail. It would be easier to just not try and thus avoid the humiliation of failure.

So, it is with an awareness of pride lurking that I make resolutions this year. I want to be intentional in my growth in godliness and New Year’s provides a specific time to think about specific ways to grow. I know that I am not going to perfectly keep my resolutions. It is yet another reminder that there is only One who perfectly carries out a perfect plan. New Year’s resolutions can be an opportunity to grow in humility as I seek God about what He would have me attempt this year, ask for His help to do it, and when I fail, be freshly reminded about my frailty and His power. What I love most that is new are His mercies every morning; great is His faithfulness, not my own.