The Thrill of Victory, The Agony of Defeat

It happens all day, everyday. Who would have thought “first one to the car” could become a competitive sport? (or a contact sport for that matter). With three boys all about the same age, competition is a way of life in this house. I’m not just talking about soccer, football, wrestling, and wiffle ball – which, by the way, get played all year round, inside and out (I gave up on “no balls in the house” as a lost cause). I’m talking from the first thump to the ground off the top bunk to finishing Math first, to building the best lego robot (which becomes competitive in battle when the robots accumulate various powers to defeat the other robots – forcefields really complicate the matter), to plastic army guys battling it out in the hallway, to brushing teeth fastest (which has more than once become a toothpaste battle) to counting punch buggies on the highway, to racing up the steps, racing down the steps, who can make their candy last the longest, and the list truly could go on and on. I mean, they have taken “step on a crack, break your mama’s back” to a whole new level. They have nearly been hit by cars in the parking lot trying to avoid cracks in the pavement.

Without unnecessarily exposing my children’s shortcomings, I will simply say that along with such competition, there is much opportunity to shepherd hearts as they deal with the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat a hundred times a day. One thing I am learning in the process is that boys are different from girls (me), and that is how God intended it. I call my boys my “little men”. My mom started it when I decided to name Joshua and Caleb after the men of the Bible. She used to call them her “little men of a different spirit”, because that’s what the Bible calls Joshua and Caleb. Eventually, we shortened it and included Izzy in the bunch. Now, I say it to build my faith and theirs: they are going to be men someday. They are going to be leaders. I want them to be bold, godly leaders who take risks and fight for what is right, and protect others, and subdue the earth as is their God-given mandate. What I am seeing in the competitions is the pursuit of manhood, but corrupted by sinful little hearts. My job is to have faith for the future man in each of them, and point out the foolishness that is bound in their hearts now.

I am learning. I don’t gasp everytime somebody gets tackled. I know which bumps and cuts mean a trip to the E.R. and which don’t. I know all of the signs for a concussion (pupils dilated unevenly, nausea, acting disoriented). I know which yells are anger, and which are pain. I know that it is possible to wrestle, and not be angry…but not for very long. And I know that these boys are a precious gift from God, and I see His glory when I behold the stunning difference between them and me. Viva la difference!

Success, Failure, and the Cross

I am finishing my first year of homeschooling this month. I can hardly believe how quickly it has gone by! For my own benefit I wanted to articulate one of the biggest things God showed me through the adventure of homeschooling.

From the beginning I knew this was going to be difficult. God has been so gracious all along the way. If I could sum up one thing He continues to remind me of it would be that I need to bring both success and failure to the same place…to the Cross. You see, in my experience this year I remember times during Bible when I was just overwhelmed at the priviledge of learning about the gospel together. I would be crying while I tried to explain verses we were memorizing like Romans 5:8, just genuinely longing for them to really understand this amazing good news. And then, five minutes later I would be yelling at them for not paying attention to me. In academics, I have experienced the joy of seeing one of my children learn something for the first time because God granted wisdom to me for how to teach it. And yet, I also experienced the guilt of neglecting a subject(s) because I was lazy and didn’t want to teach it. Every day all day long I am experiencing both success and failure. And in His kindness, God showed me, and continues to remind me (O that I would remember!)what to do with both: bring it to the cross.

When I am successful, it is the direct result of grace flowing to me as a result of Jesus’s dying on the cross. At the end of the day when I see the grace that was manifested, I want to go to Him with gratitude recognizing it was all of His grace. Also, I want to go to the cross to say HERE is where my righteousness is found…not in my good performance.

When I fail, I must go to the cross and ask Jesus for forgiveness which is available because of His death and resurrection. It is in pondering the cross that I am reminded that my right standing before God is not affected by my poor performance. My access to grace is not nullified. My status as child of God is not void. What comfort this brings in the light of such sin (revealed many times in the context of homeschooling).

When I take success and failure to the cross, what I am really doing is taking it there to cast it off and then cling to the cross. Thank you, God that in seeking to educate my children, I find myself to be the student in Your school of grace.

Nothing in my hands I bring
Simply to Thy cross I cling

Secret Signature of the Soul

“There have been times when I think we don’t desire heaven; but more often I find myself wondering whether, in our heart of hearts, we have ever desired anything else….It is the secret signature of every soul, the incommunicable and the unappeasable want, the thing we desired before we met our wives or made our friends or chose our work, and which we shall still desire on our deathbeds, when the mind no longer knows wife or friend or work….All your life an unattainable ecstacy has hovered just beyond the grasp of your consciousness. The day is coming when you will wake to find, beyond all hope, that you have attained it.” C. S. Lewis The Problem of Pain.

(quoted by John Piper in his book, When I Don’t Desire God: How to Fight for Joy pg. 12)

My Bags Are Packed!

Imagine my surprise upon discovering that I, a 34 year old mother of four, had only packed two pairs of underwear for an entire week of vacation. I could picture the remaining pairs freshly washed, folded, and stacked on top of the other clothes in the laundry basket. Thankfully, a super Wal Mart (I’m not too proud for Hanes Her Way) came to the rescue.

This reminds me of a very helpful illustration from an article I read several years ago called The Present Glories of Redemption by Paul Tripp (from the Journal for Biblical Counseling Volume17 no.2). He was saying that our redemption ensures that we have everything we need to live a life for the glory of God. He compared it to having a suitcase perfectly packed for every occasion we encounter in life; the significant and the mundane.

I remember when I first read that article. My twins were two years old. The day before they had astounded me by taking handfuls of toilet paper, dipping it in the toilet, and throwing it by the globful on the ceiling and walls. They then proceeded to flush Duplos (jumbo lego blocks) down the toilet, causing it’s demise. What amazed me is that all of this happened while I was on the phone for what seemed like only five minutes. A plummer friend of ours tried to fix the toilet, and in the end he had to take the toilet off of its base, pry out the perfectly shaped for mischief Duplos, and re-attach the toilet. When I first beheld the scene before me (which, by the way included soaking wet toddlers), I admit, I yelled at the boys (I’ll spare you the ugly details), separated them on different towels in the room, and began cleaning up the mess with much complaining in my heart. The next day when I read the article, I was convicted not just about how I had treated my sons (I asked their forgiveness eventually), but also for my unbelief. Did I really believe that what I needed in that situation (self-control, patience and wisdom) would be there in my “suitcase” even in those unexpected moments that were generally met with sinful, knee-jerk reactions?

Guess what? The next day I was able to find out the answer to that question. Once again I came downstairs (this time after putting their baby brother down for a nap) to a newly familiar sight: soaking wet twins dipping duplo men in the toilet. One of them looked up sheepishly and said, “I wost my guy!” I said, “You washed your guy, or you lost your guy?!” (You see, washing meant he still possessed the guy. Losing him meant he was flushed and probably lodged in our newly repaired toilet). “I wost him.” After several frustrating attempts at getting him to annunciate, I tried to flush the toilet. The familiar, “clink” indicated he, indeed, lost his guy. And I was about to lose my temper when I remembered my “suitcase”. I opened it by praying quietly, “O God, please help me to glorify you in this. I need patience, self-control, and wisdom here.” After a deep breath I discovered that indeed, my suitcase had been packed.

Truly one of the glories of the gospel is that we are actually able to make the right choices in the moment of testing however big or small. I am definitely not saying that I always respond to my circumstances in a way that glorifies God. How aware I am of times even today when I didn’t respond with the patience or kindness that I should have. But it is so helpful to know that every thing I need for life and godliness is available for me because of Jesus’ work on the cross. So when all of my kids need me at the same time, when my husband comes home late from work, when I absolutely do not feel like doing laundry, when I’m running late, when I am wanting to comfort a hurting friend, when I’m anxious about leading a meeting, when my kids do not want to do school, when I don’t want to do school, whatever it may be – I can open the suitcase and find what I need in that very moment. My bags are packed!

2 Peter 1:3-4 (ESV) 3 His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, 4 by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire.

Grandma Vegas Everywhere

My grandmother, Dolly Cecelia Mills, went to be with the Lord on April 21, 2005 in Las Vegas, Nevada. She was born with her twin sister, Delores who preceded her in death at age 16. She married Alton J. Mills and lived in New Orleans before settling in Las Vegas for over 40 years. Dolly was a homemaker who also cared for children as a nanny. She loved to shop and could never pass up a bargain! She was a devoted wife, loving mother, grandmother and great-grandmother. She was a blessing to all who knew her.

This is a poem I wrote in her honor. If you never knew my grandmother, it may not make much sense to you, but to those of us who knew her and loved her, each image will be cherished in our memories forever.

Grandma Vegas* Everywhere

by Laurie Reyes

4/29/05

She’s not here, but I can see her.

She’s in a better place, yet still,

If I look all around me

I can see her if I will.

In the Mill’s smiling dimples,

Or the almond-shaped eyes,

Long chins, high cheek bones;

And a love for bargain buys.

In the glitter of Las Vegas

Or the steel magnolia tree

“Go-go Speed Racer”, “dosey dotes”,

or “hey, Charlie!”

When I pass the corner Walgreens

When I see my set of twins

When my mom laughs uncontrollably

About her with Aunt Fran.

And I see grandma in my mother

As she is my dad’s right arm.

I can see her in my sister

With her glamour and her charm.

I can see her in my daughter

With her sparkle and her shine,

I will evermore be grateful

That her life echoes in mine.

*We always called her “Grandma Vegas” growing up.